Common Dreams and the Meaning Behind Them

     Common Dreams About Intimacy Let’s discuss the common dreams about intimacy that Dr. Laura Dabney hears a lot about. This one is pretty interesting when it comes to dreams about being intimate in inappropriate places. I want to remind you just because you have a dream does not mean you should take it literally. It does not mean that you’re automatically going to change your behavior and start acting inappropriately or anything like that. The dream is trying to tell you something. Common dreams of wanting to do something intimate in an inappropriate place. This may mean you’re doing something outside your comfort zone or you’re breaking a rule you would never consciously consider doing. This could mean you’ve been holding yourself back somewhere or you’re conflicted about something. For example, do you feel like the guidelines at work are making you feel stifled? Do you have a chance to cross another line somewhere but aren’t even considering it? That would include taking a risk somewhere, so instead of joining the family business, you want to pursue an art career. Stepping out of your comfort zone Dreams about stepping out of your comfort zone can often mean that you lost touch with a part of yourself where you’re allowing yourself to be stifled by someone or something else. A part of you wants to rebel against that, that’s the side that your dream is trying to tell you to consider. Another interpretation of this dream is that you already stepped out of your comfort zone and something that you’ve done is now making you feel anxious. It could be that you took a risk. Or you told a specific someone how you felt. Maybe you’re anxious because you don’t know what’s going to happen from telling this person something. So now, this dream may be telling you that you are anxious about what could happen. It could be something you said, or you think someone’s going to judge you for being outlandish or inappropriate and remove themselves from you. There’s so many different layers and levels of things when it comes to dreams. Dreams about stepping outside your comfort zone can mean you’re not sure you can you live with the rebellious part of you. You fear it may make you lose control or lose someone you care about. If you are having that type of dream …

Cheating Dreams and What They Mean

  Cheating Dreams, What do they mean?   Let’s discuss Dreams where you’re actually cheating on your significant other. Just like the attraction dreams, it’s not that you want to cheat, but there are a few reasons why you could be dreaming about this. We have to look beyond the superficial such as, “If I cheated in my dream that means I must want to do that, I’m a terrible person.” We have to look at the symbolism behind the dream. What I mean is that cheating can symbolize, an escape. When I say that it’s not really about cheating, it could be about your significant other, for example, let’s say your S.O, for the last couple of months has been irritable or just messy, and it’s annoying you. But instead of talking to him or her about the annoying behavior, you make excuses and clean up his mess. Then you go to bed, and you have a dream that you’re cheating on him. In your subconscious, a lot of times that could be the fact that you are trying to punish him by cheating on him in your dreams. Since you feel as though you can’t speak about the negative behaviors that he’s doing, instead you dream about it and hope that by dreaming this and being mad at him or getting back at him in your dreams that you’ll fix the problem. Negative Behavior Another way to look at it is sometimes it’s not your S.O. that has negative behavior; it could be yourself. So if you have been extra irritable or sloppier than usual, there is a possibility that the way to think about it is you have to punish yourself somehow. You may have a cheating dream and if that’s the case you are putting the negative behavior on to your S.O. So you’re having a cheating dream, where you’re cheating on him, which is punishing him. But the dream leaves you having thoughts such as, “I’m such a bad person.” In a roundabout way, you’ve punished yourself. Dreams are Symbolic We need to remember a cheating dream is symbolic. If you have a cheating dream, what you can do is sit with that dream. Think about what’s been going on in your relationship. Are there any negative things going on, that you’re scared to talk about or to bring up? Just thinking about those negative …

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Intimacy vs Sex Quiz

The Intimacy vs Sex Quiz Which force drives your relationships? How much do you know about these two powerful forces? And which one is in the driver’s seat when it comes to your relationships? Question One: If your partner says (s)he wants to increase the intimacy in your relationship, how are you most likely to try doing that? A. Give her/him more gifts and initiate sex more often. B. Agree with her/him more. C. Make an attempt to connect with her/him emotionally, even when you sense you’re not on the same page about an issue. Question Two: In your experience, what’s the most prominent warning signal that your relationship may be on the rocks? A. You hardly have sex anymore. B. You may have sex as much as you used to, but you’re fighting more often. C. You seem to be living on two different planets and hardly spend any time together, let alone have sex with each other. Question Three: It’s often said that make-up sex is the best sex. Which of the following best matches your thoughts on why? A. The physical rush of sex takes care of all the pent-up energy from the fight and makes me feel better. B. Arguments can be mentally draining. Sex is a way of saying, “We’re still a couple”; it brings us together, instead of seeing each other as the enemy as we do when we fight. C. Sex can be just as emotional as it is physical. Make-up sex is great because if you’ve just resolved an argument together, you’re connecting on the most intimate level possible. Question Four: Foreplay and sex go hand-in-hand. Which of the following best matches your thoughts on how to ensure one follows the other? A. It’s all about getting her/him into the bedroom. If you spend enough time getting the mood right physically, sex is pretty much a certainty. B. It’s about finding the right moment. If either one of us is exhausted or distracted, there’s not much hope of sex. But when we’re both game, it’s a pretty sure thing. C. It’s all about connecting emotionally. If we waited until we were both in the mood or the kids weren’t sick, or neither one of us were stressed at work, we’d never have sex. Making a dedicated effort to connect leads to way more sex than jumping into bed together. How did you …

Lack of Intimacy in Relationship or Marriage

Lack of intimacy in relationship or marriage can be from the husband or wife’s viewpoint. Lack of intimacy could be verbal or sexual. Are you trying to figure out what to do about your marriage with no intimacy, and where does it come from? Let’s focus on what I hear the most, which is an internal struggle people have with feelings. They feel as though something is wrong with them or something is wrong with their spouse. The internal sense of feeling, “am I outside of the norm? Is the norm having this trouble?” The external struggle of what is going on is, “is my partner having an affair? Should we be going on more trips? Should I take more time off work?” They’re focusing on what to do about it as opposed to the feelings about it all.  The three things to focus on when dealing with a lack of intimacy: Where does intimacy come from? How does it make men and women different? What to do about it? We must understand first and foremost that sexuality develops in different stages as a psychological development in men and women. Women’s sexuality develops at a different stage from men, and therefore, there is some reason why women tend to focus more on verbal intimacy, and men tend to focus more on sexual intimacy. Women develop their sexuality in the oral phase of development. That’s the very first psychological stage we go through. Think about a newborn baby; they’re consumed with putting things in their mouths, consuming orally. It’s all dependent on the sites, smells, sounds that go along with that.  Men develop their sexuality in the anal phase of development. That’s when babies are focused on elimination, where to eliminate, how to eliminate, the relief upon elimination. That is why women tend to focus more on the setting of sexuality and men on the sexual act itself. What to do about it? The vital thing to remember whenever you’re dealing with your significant other is to understand that both verbal intimacy and sexual intimacy are important. What do we hear all of the time? That women tend to value more the verbal side; it’s more important to them. But they downplay the sexual act. We’ve all heard this; how women say, “all he wants is sex; all he wants is a piece, that’s all he cares about.” As if there’s …

how to spice up your sex life

3 Tips on How to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Spice Up Your Sex Life and Get What You Want in the Bedroom   Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with what you’re doing, or want to do in the bedroom. As long as both you and your partner are committed to the relationship and open to experimentation. There does not need to be any shame in the bedroom. Period. But how, you ask? How can I ask my partner for what I want? Here are 3 tips to a happier bedroom experience and to make it easier to spice up your sex life. One: Take advantage of the mood and the moment. Most of my patients find it most comfortable to talk about sex when they’re already having sex. In other words, use the moment to demonstrate what you like, to ask for more of it and to suggest something entirely new. Mood has a way of opening people up to new experiences. For example, try the following the next time you and your partner find yourselves between the sheets. I like it when you do that … You seem to like it when I do this … Remember the time we … Want to try it again? I’ve always had a fantasy about … are you willing to try it with me? Of course, you’ll want to build your experimental boundaries gradually, so be careful not to ask too much of your partner all at once. No matter how romantic the mood, dramatic changes can kill a moment. Two: Explore your physical/emotional connection Nothing will ever progress in your sex life unless your relationship stands on a solid emotional foundation. Experimentation requires trust. Trust that you won’t hurt or betray or shame each other, trust that you’ll respect each other’s boundaries and trust that you will keep your commitments to each other. I counsel couples and individuals alike to spend as much time reinforcing the emotional core of their relationship as they do the physical core. There are many exercises and conversations that a coach or therapist can facilitate for you. But there are an equal number of conversations that you can and should be having within the privacy or your walls. Before launching into new sexual frontiers to spice up your sex life, take some time to ensure you’re both ready and willing. Start with one or more of the following: Discuss and agree on …