Dating After Kids
How does dating after divorce work when you have kids? The kids are always the top priority, and it’s important both people understand this. It’s so important if your new significant other has kids, that their kids are their top priority, and your kids are your top priority.
The kids have no other adults in their life to take care of them. If they’re minors, they can’t do it themselves yet and you must have them as the priority. If you understand that, there is a much higher chance that your new relationship will work.
When you and your significant other decide to get together with the kids, do it slowly.
First, make sure you two are a good match, and you know the person very well.
Second, make sure you both meet the kids in a neutral setting and in a short amount of time. Meet somewhere where you can hang out for a bit and go your separate ways. You don’t want to jump into moving in together right away or going off on a vacation together, it’s too much.
Use the Freind Template
Think of it as meeting a friend, you want to start off slowly and with some distance. Think of yourself as becoming friends with the kids, and the other person becoming friends with your kids.
No One is Becoming a New Parent
This is a mistake I see often. The new person jumps in and starts parenting the kids. Remember, the kids already have parents, they do not need a new parent. If you or your new significant other try to parent the other person’s children, the children will fight you, you’ll fight them, it won’t work. Plus, there is no reason to do this, they have parents.
This does not mean you can’t express concerns to your partner behind closed doors. Then, let them do the parenting. You should not step in at any point as the parent.
It’s important to understand this immediately, if you don’t, you will have a problem. If it’s too hard for you to adjust and understand, that is okay too. In this case, date someone who doesn’t have kids or wait until your kids are grown to start dating.
If you have any questions about dating or how to move on after divorce or death, and you would like to create your own plan, call, or text 757-340-8800.
For more helpful info go to www.drldabney.com. Or for online programs to help you in your relationships, go to relationship-rx.com.