Finding Love After Divorce
How do you avoid the same mistake twice when dating after divorce?
A lot of times, when people are looking to date again, they are worried about making the same mistake and they tend to blame their ex for the relationship ending. This is only blaming the other person, it is important to keep in mind you are a part of a system. It is much more effective to look at your role in the situation, that way you can make the necessary changes.
Question Your Role in The Situation
If the other person did do something disastrous, ask yourself why you would pick a person who would do something disastrous.
If you grew apart, what happened that you didn’t bring it back together?
It’s very important to look at it from your advantage point and what you did because then you can make a change.
How to Avoid Red Flag People
It’s very important to look at the other person with critical eyes. So many people want to be forgiving. Forgiveness is a great quality, but not when you’re trying to land the best relationship you can land.
When there is red flag behavior, do not minimize it. Do not make excuses for them. Instead, take a look at the red flag and test it to find out whether it is a true red flag or a pink flag.
In order to test the flag, you’ll have to bring it up. Instead of being kind and ignore it, say something along the lines of, “this behavior is upsetting to me, it worries me, what is your take on it?”
Once asked about the behavior the person might acknowledge it and say they’ve been working on it. This shows they know they have a flaw and they are working on it, that’s great.
If they get defensive, that is a red flag. That is a sign to get out.
Date A lot
It’s shocking how many people express being uncomfortable with dating a lot as if there is something wrong with it. There is no reason for you to date seriality. Simply date a lot! This is going to assist you in finding love after divorce! A lot of the healthy people are already taken because they are already in good relationships. You need to date a lot to find a healthy person amongst all these people that are left.
There is nothing wrong with dating a lot, we’re all adults. You can be upfront about it. Just say, ” I’m not settling down, I’m not in the position to settle down right now, I’m dating a lot.” They will probably say they are too. This is the most effective way to find someone a little more quickly.
If you have any questions on finding love after divorce and how to avoid repeating past mistakes, please feel free to text or call us at 757-340-8800.
For more helpful info go to www.drldabney.com. Or for online programs to help you in your relationships, go to relationship-rx.com.