How to Be Selfish

  It’s imperative to know how to be selfish, to have better relationships. It may sound crazy to say you need to learn how to be selfish in order to help your relationship, but it’s absolutely true. I’ve helped thousands of successful men create the relationship of their dreams, and it all starts the same way. Are you helping everyone, but yourself? These men come to me, having helped everybody in their lives. Including their communities, their co-workers, their families, and their partners, but they don’t know the first thing about themselves. Knowing Yourself If you can’t understand how you feel, what you want,  what your dreams are then you’re never going to make that a reality. If you don’t know your hopes, and your thoughts, you’re never going to be able to express them well and then create them. It’s not only okay to be selfish to take the time to understand you, but it’s also a necessary first step to get the relationship that you’ve always wanted. It’s not mean to be selfish, and it’s essential to take the time to learn about yourself and all these particular areas. That way, you can then reach out and create fabulous relationships. Remember, it’s imperative to be selfish to have better relationships. Find more articles about being SELFish and relationships at drldabney.com and lauradabney.com

Beyond Boundaries– Simple Fixes for your Relationship Problems

we’re back it’s voting Tuesday we are here to talk  Beyond Boundaries and give  Simple Fixes for Your Relationship Problems absolutely yes so we’re not here to help you with the political problems because that can get kind of fiery but we do have some tips on how to fix your relationship problems.  these are the quicker tips we give beyond just boundary setting which is huge! But we have talked about boundary setting quite a bit but it’s here is our introduction.  I’m Doctor Dabney relationship psychiatrist and this is Joelle Brant relationship coach. We’re here to try to help you be a little less, you know, weird about coming in to see us or anybody to help you with your emotional relationship problems.  This is  sort of like us opening our front door and saying come on in this is let me talk about this what we do this our imperfections and hopefully make you a bit more comfortable. so we have talked about boundary setting and we’ve discussed the basic boundary setting method is “I feel X when you do Y so I need you to please stop.” there’s some other quick down and dirty statements you can make to stop some troublesome patterns in your relationship. so we thought we’d go over those today. the one we talk about a lot is walking away but a little part to that you have to add that’s because walking away is a little passive-aggressive if you’re in the middle of something or your partner is in the middle of something and you walk away you’re gonna stir them up because they’re not gonna know where you are  or why you just left. Or if  you coming back, that’s sort of hurtful to them so we talked about using a bridge statement. right,  you can say I’m gonna leave this is getting a little too much but let’s revisit it after dinner. Exactly so that little statement keeps it from being torture for the other person okay now there are times when walking away without a statement is appropriate so the first example walking away with a bridge statement is if someone’s being inappropriately aggressive name-calling you know yeah the other yelling gets to be too high whenever you get to that you know that anxiety discomfort like mmm it’s not working for me check in later okay but …

Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity back hi relationship psychiatrist dr. Laura Dabney relationship coach Joelle brands we’re continuing our chat on toxic relationship patterns this is a good one because people come to us and say something’s wrong with my relationship I’m unhappy with it but they’re not able to say what’s going on yeah except for maybe you know some details here and there but they’re not able to see the overall picture correct right so we’re always encouraging you to I think people call it coming out of the weeds stepping above the weeds and looking in you know what’s going on yes so last week was sort of our on the intro to issues intro to issues right basically aggressive toxic aggressive patterns are toxic now we talked about constructive aggression being boundary setting but then last week we talked about destructive aggression which hurts the relationship and just briefly those are criticizing helping when you’ve not been asked controlling controlling something trying to get someone on the same page as you not letting someone be on a separate package so today I said we were gonna talk about something that’s less obvious and that is passivity yeah I mean how many times have people come in and say well I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight it’s just easier it’s just easier and I say is this easy okay you haven’t described one thing that’s easy or they get their way but then you’re so angry and then it manifests in a different way and that’s destructive passivity so a lot of people think passivity is kind and will get people to love you if I just let everybody have their way they’re gonna love me so much but it never happens it doesn’t work that way so there is constructive passive and then there’s destructive passivity I had people looking at me then when I say that like I’ve got to frickin heads right like when we say the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl right that’s that kind of stupid statement it does not work let’s think about it for a second your poor husband my poor husband’s a Browns fan so he could move along we’re in the season of bargain in the bargaining season that oh yes the season of hope now in the bargaining …