Life After Divorce: Are you ready to date?

Life After Divorce-5 Signs You’re Probably Not Ready to Date By Dr. Laura Dabney, the Intimacy MD I’ve spent nearly 20 years helping men find their way into happy, long-term relationships. And after all these years, I’m amazed by the amount of misinformation that exists about what it takes to build and maintain a relationship. Most people assume we’re more prepared to pick the right mate the second or third time around, but the data tells a much different story. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.   We don’t get better at picking our partners—we actually get worse. Unless we invest the time to learn from the past, if you’re reading this, you may be thinking it’s time to re-enter the dating scene. Here are five revealing signs that you’re vulnerable to repeat the mistakes of the past and why you’re probably not ready yet:   1) You believe you need a partner who’s the exact opposite of your ex. You’re not ready to date again if your mind is still jumping to extremes: My ex was exactly wrong for me, so I’ll look for her exact opposite. When you swing from one extreme to another, however, you risk picking someone who eventually makes you as miserable as your ex, but for different reasons. Dating after divorce is not as easy as picking someone the complete opposite of your ex. Choose your partner because of who she is, not because of who she’s not. 2) You don’t like being single for very long. There’s nothing wrong with dating a lot, as long as you’re honest about your intentions. In fact, I teach a method called Precision Dating, in which I recommend men take their time before committing. Most men rush too quickly into commitment, then spend the next several years trying to make the relationship work. If you don’t like being single, recognize that you’re at serious risk of committing too early to the wrong woman. You’re far better off to play the field and date lots of women than you are to commit to the wrong relationship.   3) Dating takes your mind off your troubles. Life after divorce can be tricky. Life happens within and without our relationships, and often because of them. Losing yourself in a relationship can feel like a relief, but it’s nothing more than a …

Setting Boundaries

Good Boundaries Make Good Relationships A lot of people may think boundaries are mean because they view them as a separating thing. Another way people may view them is as “rules.” It’s important to know that boundaries are very critical in a good relationship, but they are not meant to separate or set rules. What they are intended for is to help people understand, what works for you and what doesn’t. Boundaries let people know when they’re intruding. Nice Ways to Set up Boundaries When setting boundaries with others: Kindly set the boundary Know the different levels Enforce them with constructive aggression What happens when somebody dismisses a boundary? Or when they don’t acknowledge or care about the boundary? When someone doesn’t respect your boundary, use constructive aggression to make sure you are being taken seriously. For example saying, “when you talk about that subject, it bothers me.” When stating this, it is setting up a boundary by letting the other person know that the subject they are speaking of, bother’s you. If the other person responds with something similar to, “It’s no big deal,” enforcing your boundary by replying with “I know you don’t understand it, but this is really important to me.” This lets the other person know that you are serious, and this boundary is just that, a BOUNDARY. Setting Boundaries in a Relationship People suffer for years or wait for a crisis to seek help. But once they get the support, they often wonder, “why didn’t I start this sooner?” No one can read anyone’s mind; that is why setting boundaries and communicating them to others is essential. Do not expect your partner to read your mind, be sure to inform your partner. In a relationship, when one person starts setting boundaries, a lot of the time, the partner starts getting better at setting them too. To learn more, go to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ where you will find free self-help articles.

Tips on How to Make a Marriage Last

Q&A with Dr. Dabney on how to make a marriage last   Dr. Dabney treats marriages but not always the couple. She sometimes treats one person in the marriage, which fixes the marriage. That’s one hint if you need help, you’ve got to get it. Dr. Dabney has been married for 27 years and is offering tips on how to make a marriage last.   Joelle: How do you make a marriage last 27 years or even one year? Dr. Dabney: There is no magic bullet to get you through all of the problems you will face. If you need help, go and get it. Daryl and I got help when we needed it. We had parenting disagreements, and it wasn’t easy. It’s never easy to ask for help, but the relief and the amount of trouble you overcome is so worth it. It’s almost silly not to get help because we made so much progress so fast. And I do not think we would be as happy as we are now in our marriage if we didn’t get that help.   Joelle: Do you have any premarital advice? Dr. Dabney: If the couple starts by having the understanding that they’re going to get help when they need it, then it becomes more automatic. Instead of saying “oh my god, we need help, something’s wrong with us,” it just becomes more second nature.   Get the Help You Need People think our lives are perfect, but we’re not perfect. Just because we’re focusing on other peoples problems, does not mean our lives are perfect. In fact, a lot of what we teach is because we’ve been in the trenches, and we’ve come out of it. That gives us another perspective on how to work through these things, besides book knowledge and training.  We’re not here to judge you. We’ve been there, or we have relatives or friends who have. People think that therapy will take forever to see results, but the sooner you come in and get the work done, the sooner you can feel better and reap the rewards. Some people come in for one session to make a plan, or if we are not the right fit, we will refer you to someone who we think is a better fit. Ways we can help you: Dozens of free articles  15-minute consultation to provide direction (757) 340-8800 An online …

Relationship Breaking Points

Relationship Breaking Points.  What is Relationship Breaking Points? This is what we discuss today.   How do you know when your relationship is in trouble and when should you get professional help? We love that question because there’s no easy answer to that. Healthy couples do have arguments or heated discussions from time to time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need emotional help or relationship or professional help, but why not? Why not make it easier on yourself and your relationship? One of the questions is when do you know when you’re at your breaking point? We‘d rather you come in before your breaking point. So if you’re starting to question your breaking point or if you’re at your breaking point that maybe the breaking point. That’s a big thing, coming in beforehand or if you feel like you’re at your breaking point that’s also the time where you probably need to call us and come to us or anybody, to start really figuring out what got you there. We want to emphasize that you can call us and we can talk and see if you’re ready to come in, just because you pick up the phone and call someone in mental health or anybody it doesn’t mean you’re committed to a lifetime of therapy. There’s a lot of stages in between and we’ve seen people, we’ve talked to people on the phone a lot, we’ve emailed people and helped them. We have had people come in for one assessment, one meeting and everything in between one meeting and ten years of therapy. It’s all in between. So if you’re questioning the breaking point, it’s a good time to pick up the phone and call somebody. What we would call a breaking point, what we call in mental health- a breaking point is when the argument starts becoming invasive in your life. Does it impact your other relationships? Does it impact your work? Does it impact your health? Those are the three main areas we look at. In fact, we talk about this too, some area of your life has to be impacted negatively for us to even give a diagnosis. According to the DSM which is our Bible, someone has to come in, so if someone came in and said I’m crying all the time, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I’m a mess. If they say it’s not affecting work or it’s not affecting relationships then we couldn’t give him a diagnosis of depression. That definition of breaking …