Why do People Watch Porn? From a Doctor’s Perspective.

 Top 3 porn-related reasons I see people in my office A Doctor’s perspective on why do people watch porn or why they’re porn addicted. Whether you’re the one using it or someone you know does. This can be a tough topic in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be. Reason number one- Conflict with intimacy. Why do people watch porn? Some people have trouble with intimacy. I don’t mean they just make mistakes, but they actually have a conflict with it. They’re conflicted about the closeness. They want the closeness, they’re in a relationship, they love their significant other, but they have connected intimacy with something bad. Typically, the ‘something bad’ is: being taken over, being controlled, losing their individuality.  They want the closeness, but then they feel as though they’ll lose themselves. Now, a lot of people resolve this with pornography because it’s a way to put a wedge between them and their significant other. It’s a way for them to get some relief from that sensation of being too close. Somehow, it’s tough for people to maintain intimacy for that reason, and it comes out in that fashion. Reason number 2- Conflict with aggression. There are a lot of people who have a conflict with aggression and a conflict with anger. They know it’s an emotion, they know it’s a normal emotion, but they have so much guilt about it, that they tend to bury it. They tend to think anger is wrong, bad, mean; something they need to avoid at all costs. This is what I call an enemy emotion, where they shove it away. Somehow they don’t realize anger is normal and expressing that anger is required, or it’s going to blow or implode. They end up hurting themselves with it, by not dealing with the anger, or expressing it because they feel so guilty and they want to bury. The anger stays under the surface. So, they use pornography as sort of a weapon. “I’m not going to connect with you. I’m going to connect with my magazine,” or where ever pornography is being viewed. And then, of course, it ends up hurting the significant other, because they end up finding out about the pornography. The S.O. has no idea why their partner is using porn because the partner has not expressed the anger. And they may not even be consciously aware of …

Grand Opening in Richmond, VA!!

We are live from Dr. Laura Dabney’s grand opening in Richmond, VA.  Look at how amazing the new office is. I hope you enjoy this quick video! Grand Opening in Richmond, VA, address: Dr. Laura Dabney’s new office is located at: 1545-B Nuckols Road, Glen Allen, VA 23059 11545-B is located in the middle of the Grove Park Office Park There is plenty of free parking. If you or anybody in the area is looking for a psychiatrist or a life coach reach out to us, we take referrals and things of that nature. Look us up, find us, and give us a call at 757-340-8800. We also have the office in Virginia Beach if you or anyone you know need services in that area as well.   If you prefer to schedule a call, click here! Check out more blog posts at www.drldabney.com.

Do You Feel Like You are Always Giving Too Much?

Do you feel like you are always giving too much and not getting anything in return? Why does everybody else always get their way? Or why do people in my life seem to have a good life and I don’t? We got to the bottom of that being anger. Anger is usually an emotion that people want to discard or pretend they don’t have it or have labeled it as bad or the enemy emotion. If you don’t have the capacity- if you’re fighting off anger then you’re not using anger as your alarm bell and that’s the first step to setting boundaries. Good boundaries make good relationships but before you can get to, “I need to set a boundary.” You have to be aware of the alarm bell. Know when somebody is mistreating you and that’s anger a lot of the time. You have to be able to sit with that and explore the emotion. Ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” Then you can find your boundary from there. Think back through your day or through the conversation and then you start to realize what is annoying to you and set a boundary. The next step is, which boundary and how? It’s almost like you’re saying anger is bad and you shouldn’t be angry. You going to shove it away. It’s like saying, “I’m not listening to that, I’m not going to listen to the smoke alarm.”  Instead of going to look and make sure there’s no real fire. Ignoring your anger is just like ignoring any other kind of alarm. Anger is your body’s way of telling us there’s something wrong. There’s no such thing as a bad or wrong emotion. Neediness and Anger Neediness is another enemy emotion. This is our other alarm. Between anger and neediness, these are the two emotions that people fight. People think it’s wrong to be needy.  People think being needy is weak, or pride themselves on taking care of everyone else. People try to get rid of neediness by squashing it, or shoving it away but again you’re missing an alarm bell. That alarm is telling you, you need attention. The anger is telling you somebody needs to be removed, or something needs to be removed, such as what someone else is doing. Neediness is your alarm that says “I have to stop giving and give somewhere else or take.” A …

Parenting Mistakes you Can Let Yourself Off The Hook

Let’s talk about parenting mistakes; you can let go of as a parent. Let’s talk about parenting mistakes; you can let go of as a parent. The guilt over parenting mistakes you may have made as a parent and how to let that go because of guilt, excessive guilt, inappropriate guilt can get in the way of your relationship with your child. If you feel like you have to make something up or you have to explain or get them to let you off the hook, that’s going to put a burden on your child that they don’t need. You can do this yourself, and I’m going to walk you through a couple of those. Parenting- the guilt, such a tough job that you can’t leave, and people’s lives depend on it. It’s pretty tricky, so what are these subjects or problems that people come to me with? Loss of Control One is the general topic of a loss of control. Let’s say you yelled at your child, or you showed a strong emotion about something else such as you were angry at your spouse, or an argument spilled over, or you punished them for a longer time than you think you should have. Or you went a little overboard, and you wish you hadn’t. Instead of beating yourself up over parenting mistakes, remember that it’s human. We have emotions; it’s not like you need to hide them; it’s not as if you’re going to instantaneously know what that emotion is and therefore be able to let it out more graciously. That’s why we have to go back often; you have to go back and re-examine, retrospect. Instead of beating yourself up, go back to your child and tell them you apologize. Give a brief explanation, nothing too long and say, “I’m so sorry my voice got louder, I yelled, and I wish I hadn’t. I want to discuss it with you; I think it’s because I had something else going on at work that day.” Keep it brief, and then ask for their permission to try again. Apologizing A lot of parents feel that they shouldn’t, or there’s some resistance to apologizing, but they want their kid to apologize to them, they’re huge on a child needing to apologize, needing to respect them but you have to respect your child also it’s a two-way street. If you want him …