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3 Porn Myths You’ll be Glad Aren’t True

3 Porn Myths that Aren’t True- From A Doctors Perspective (Pssst: The Doctor Says it Can Actually be Good For You) If only I had a dollar for every time I got to tell someone that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing—or wanted to do—in the bedroom. Most common worry: porn. I’ve chosen to bust 5 of the most common myths about porn and why it’s anything but bad for you. I’ll bust three porn myths now, and two later; stay tuned! Porn Myth #1: Porn is bad for you. Not so fast. Historically, anti-porn arguments have primarily been moral in nature and have little basis in medical science. While porn can lead to addiction (like hundreds of other behaviors), it more often supports and reinforces acceptable sexual behavior. In a healthy, adult relationship, porn can be wonderfully useful. Not only do many couples find it fun, but they often use it to spice up or reignite their sex lives. Many watch it together for new ideas, and some occasionally watch it to help get themselves in the mood when necessary. Like many other things in life, the secret to porn use is moderation, and it is not damaging to a relationship unless one partner regularly chooses it instead of sex with their “real” partner. Porn Myth #2: Porn is a sign that something is “wrong” with you. Let’s be clear: porn doesn’t make you a pervert. It can, however, be a sign that you’re avoiding dealing with uncomfortable feelings or experiences. If you find yourself turning to porn instead of your real partner, or if you find it interfering in your ability to function in daily life or fulfill your responsibilities, please seek professional help to deal with your compulsive behaviors. If you use it in moderation, however—enjoy. Porn Myth #3: Porn is the same as cheating. Many women feel betrayed when faced with the realization that a husband or boyfriend is looking at porn—some as profoundly betrayed as if they’d been cheated on. Often, their immediate reaction is, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not enough?” Some relationships even end over porn. When my patients face this issue, I help them understand that porn and cheating are not the same things. What is the same, however, is the feeling of betrayal. It’s legitimate for a woman to feel betrayed by a man who secretly goes …

Cheating Dreams and What They Mean

  Cheating Dreams, What do they mean?   Let’s discuss Dreams where you’re actually cheating on your significant other. Just like the attraction dreams, it’s not that you want to cheat, but there are a few reasons why you could be dreaming about this. We have to look beyond the superficial such as, “If I cheated in my dream that means I must want to do that, I’m a terrible person.” We have to look at the symbolism behind the dream. What I mean is that cheating can symbolize, an escape. When I say that it’s not really about cheating, it could be about your significant other, for example, let’s say your S.O, for the last couple of months has been irritable or just messy, and it’s annoying you. But instead of talking to him or her about the annoying behavior, you make excuses and clean up his mess. Then you go to bed, and you have a dream that you’re cheating on him. In your subconscious, a lot of times that could be the fact that you are trying to punish him by cheating on him in your dreams. Since you feel as though you can’t speak about the negative behaviors that he’s doing, instead you dream about it and hope that by dreaming this and being mad at him or getting back at him in your dreams that you’ll fix the problem. Negative Behavior Another way to look at it is sometimes it’s not your S.O. that has negative behavior; it could be yourself. So if you have been extra irritable or sloppier than usual, there is a possibility that the way to think about it is you have to punish yourself somehow. You may have a cheating dream and if that’s the case you are putting the negative behavior on to your S.O. So you’re having a cheating dream, where you’re cheating on him, which is punishing him. But the dream leaves you having thoughts such as, “I’m such a bad person.” In a roundabout way, you’ve punished yourself. Dreams are Symbolic We need to remember a cheating dream is symbolic. If you have a cheating dream, what you can do is sit with that dream. Think about what’s been going on in your relationship. Are there any negative things going on, that you’re scared to talk about or to bring up? Just thinking about those negative …

Straightforward Relationship Advice for Men: Getting the Love You Want

Getting the Love You Want Without Being Inconsiderate With any luck and no small amount of perseverance, we’ve all achieved important things in life: completed our educational goals, built successful careers, and maybe even raised children. Every one of us can claim at least one major success in life. When we want something badly enough, we’ll work until we get it. And yet, why does getting the love you want, feel so incredibly difficult? I get some version of this question almost every week. My response: Yes! Getting the love you want is tough. But the skills you need for intimacy aren’t much different than the skills you’ve already developed for life. You need to learn why and how to apply them. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love; requires aggression. Sounds contradictory, I know. We think of our ideal love as gentle and forgiving, while aggression is best saved for the board room and rush hour traffic. But those are just two examples of aggression. What I teach in both love and life is the concept of constructive aggression, the ability to assert one’s self for self-preservation. In other words, it’s a fancy way of describing the act of sticking up for yourself. In a relationship, you may notice that a feeling is nearing a tipping point. Something about your partner, something they do or don’t do. Your partner doesn’t pay attention when you want it, doesn’t offer help when you need it, or they talk when you’d prefer they listen —is wearing you down. Maybe it’s on your mind all the time or causing symptoms such as excessive alcohol use or destructive fantasies. This is the perfect time to call on your constructive aggression to resolve the feeling. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love, requires aggression. Here’s how. You have to either present your need to your partner or deal with your anger. For example, you could say, “I need you to please talk to your mom less during our evenings together,” or “I’m upset that you interrupted me when I was talking.” I admit that this can be tough. We tend to fear that using our constructive aggression will come off as mean or selfish. The problem though is that focusing on other people’s feelings more than our own is a recipe for disaster. …

How to Deal with the Man Who Has Irritable Male Syndrome

Does your S.O have Irritable Male Syndrome? We learned as little girls that our intimate relationships should be filled with mutual love, fulfillment, and joy. To this end, many of us learned to excel at nurturing, convinced we would reap the rewards in our future two-some’s. Nowhere did we learn the script on how to behave should our counterparts not be on the same page.  If you find that you’re giving more than you’re getting in terms of emotional intimacy and connection, then you may be in a relationship with a man who has Irritable Male Syndrome and at a loss on how to proceed.   Of course, nobody exhibits negative traits all the time. However, if you feel you are walking on eggshells, poking the bear or sidestepping verbal backlashes at least half the time you’re with your significant other, then your significant other may have Irritable Male Syndrome. It can be excruciatingly painful to accommodate another person’s negative moods consistently.  And trying to cope with these irritable moods often leads to escalated pain in terms of exhausting arguments, lonely nights apart or fear of physical attacks. The truth that the love of your life has a dark side controlling your every move can be hard to face.   Sometimes your significant other may simply be going through a difficult time at work or with a family member, and the irritability will pass in time. However, it could be a sign that they have a more persistent irritability problem, which has become known as Irritable Male Syndrome. Either way, you’ve probably already realized you can’t change your significant other’s, (or anyone’s!) personality.  The good news is there are different ways you can learn to cope with Irritable Male Syndrome effectively.    1- Get Used to being on a Separate Page.   If you’ve been overly-invested in cheering up your irritable man- stop!  It is not your job to change anyone. Your false perkiness is probably more of an annoyance than help because you are essentially conveying the message: you need to change.  No adult likes to feel they have to change to please someone. So learn to live with being on separate pages. You’re independent people, after all. So, most of the time, your moods aren’t going to match. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with having a different mood than your S.O. If you’re in a good mood and he’s …

Sex Dreams and The Meaning Behind Them

Intimacy dreams (sex dreams) is a very popular topic with my patients and anybody who finds out that I’m a psychiatrist. Intimacy dreams or sex dreams, and what do they say about us and our relationships? Well, they say quite a lot. However, what they say is not literal. All studies have shown that you are not so much in control of your environment and what you do as your unconscious is. Your unconscious is playing a more significant role in your life than you know or maybe care to admit. It’s there, and it’s very active, and that’s what comes out in our dreams. Your dreams are your unconscious talking to you. It’s a wonderful source to get to know yourself better if you can listen in a certain way. That’s why us Shrinks love dreams and not just night dreams but daydreams too, they are also really informative. Your unconscious is very important; it’s telling you about you, it’s typically a side of you that you don’t want to admit. Usually, it’s stuff that’s been shoved down, and it wants attention or to be recognized. And for some reason, your conscious has either thought it not important or has some problem with it; so it gets relegated. My patients know I call it the basement, it gets shoved in the basement where it causes lots of issues. Dreams are symbolic, not literal. People come to me worried that they had sex dreams about somebody else and wonder if that means they’re a cheater. No, it’s not that simple, it’s not be taken as real and literally, necessarily. There’s one exception, there’s something we call a residue dream, where you dream about something that happened during your day. That does happen, but typically, dreams are symbolic, and they are wish-fulfillment. So again, if you dream about cheating on somebody, does that mean you wish to cheat? Not necessarily, again, not literally. But we have to realize there’s probably a wish under there that we haven’t recognized or haven’t given attention to. How do we figure that out? If it’s not literal, how do we figure it out? Let me give you some examples. Let’s say you have a dream about being sexually attracted to someone who you consciously have no sexual attraction to whatsoever. Dreams don’t forecast the future you’re not predicting the future in your dreams. If you …