Sex Dreams and The Meaning Behind Them

Intimacy dreams (sex dreams) is a very popular topic with my patients and anybody who finds out that I’m a psychiatrist. Intimacy dreams or sex dreams, and what do they say about us and our relationships? Well, they say quite a lot. However, what they say is not literal. All studies have shown that you are not so much in control of your environment and what you do as your unconscious is. Your unconscious is playing a more significant role in your life than you know or maybe care to admit. It’s there, and it’s very active, and that’s what comes out in our dreams. Your dreams are your unconscious talking to you. It’s a wonderful source to get to know yourself better if you can listen in a certain way. That’s why us Shrinks love dreams and not just night dreams but daydreams too, they are also really informative. Your unconscious is very important; it’s telling you about you, it’s typically a side of you that you don’t want to admit. Usually, it’s stuff that’s been shoved down, and it wants attention or to be recognized. And for some reason, your conscious has either thought it not important or has some problem with it; so it gets relegated. My patients know I call it the basement, it gets shoved in the basement where it causes lots of issues. Dreams are symbolic, not literal. People come to me worried that they had sex dreams about somebody else and wonder if that means they’re a cheater. No, it’s not that simple, it’s not be taken as real and literally, necessarily. There’s one exception, there’s something we call a residue dream, where you dream about something that happened during your day. That does happen, but typically, dreams are symbolic, and they are wish-fulfillment. So again, if you dream about cheating on somebody, does that mean you wish to cheat? Not necessarily, again, not literally. But we have to realize there’s probably a wish under there that we haven’t recognized or haven’t given attention to. How do we figure that out? If it’s not literal, how do we figure it out? Let me give you some examples. Let’s say you have a dream about being sexually attracted to someone who you consciously have no sexual attraction to whatsoever. Dreams don’t forecast the future you’re not predicting the future in your dreams. If you …

Letting Go of Adult Children

Letting Go of Adult Children: How to Get to the Other Side of the Grief   Letting go of adult children can be extremely challenging. Some time ago, I spoke with a mother who was having a terrible time with her adult daughter. Her daughter was in her early twenties, living at home. The tension between the parents and child was becoming too much to bear. It was straining to the point of almost breaking what had long been a beautiful relationship.   She fought with her daughter regularly, nagging at her for not getting out of bed until noon and criticizing her for not being more helpful around the house. In essence, she stayed in her role as a parent to a young child while expecting her daughter to act more maturely.   When talking about her struggles, I used a phrase I often use with those who have lost a loved one. I spoke of “getting to the other side of the grief.” Rather than staying stuck on this side of grief, I talked about how rewarding one’s relationship with their adult child can be. To get there, however, parents have to walk through letting go of adult children, letting their kids make their own mistakes and find their paths. My patients breakthrough Today, my patient’s daughter no longer lives at home. She gave her daughter a deadline by which she had to move out and stuck to it. She grieved the entire time; watching her daughter move on was awfully painful. Now, however, she says she’s catching more and more glimpses of her daughter as an adult. They can discuss future career options and have even begun to collaborate on ideas for decorating her apartment.   Of course, allowing her daughter to grow up wasn’t a smooth transition. As my patient put it, letting go was “horrendously painful.” But she recognizes now that without forcing herself to walk through that pain, to “get to the other side of the grief,” they’d still be where they were, arguing and combative and deeply unhappy about their relationship.   Nowadays, many more children live with their parents into adulthood   It’s not an unfamiliar story. Many more children live with their parents into adulthood today than they did even twenty years ago. For many, the decision is primarily financial, and with proper respect for healthy boundaries, such arrangements can work …

Men and Emotions

There’s still a stigma in our society that makes it hard for men to show their emotions and keep their masculinity. Women have come a long way with their ability to emote; emoting has always been more acceptable for women. In the past, women had trouble with aggression. Now women can be in the workforce, go for gold medals, and be on sports teams. Women have bridged the gap in aggression & passivity and emoting & action better than men. Men have not caught up in terms of their ability to show their emotions and feel masculine intact. We have devoted our attention to executive men with relationship problems because they have a history, where they’re encouraged to be aggressive, and are rewarded for being aggressive in the workplace. At home or in an intimate relationship- men act aggressive, and they get “in trouble,” or they get passive and get “in trouble.” They aren’t able to say what they really want or what they really need, which causes the relationship to go south. How men and women deal with certain emotions differently An example of an emotional difference between men and women is anger and how they express it. Women struggle with anger by having the thoughts that anger is not okay, or it’s wrong. Whereas when men get angry, they are terrified that the anger is going to lead to becoming physical and that they will actually hurt somebody. Men fear that if they admit they are angry, then their next step is to hurt someone. How to properly handle anger The way to correctly handle anger is to think about the anger, emote, and deal with the anger; as a result, the anger will not build and blow. Would you like to learn more about men and their emotional health? Head over to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ to find dozens of free self-help articles.

How to Deal With Sociopaths and Narcissists in Your Life

Sociopaths and Narcissists How to deal with sociopaths and narcissists, in other words, how to deal with difficult people in your life. This is an important topic because sometimes people don’t see it if they weren’t taught about narcissists or sociopaths or provided the tools to see the red flags. The difference mainly between sociopaths and narcissists are sociopaths are equated to monsters and narcissists are equated to full of themselves or stuck-up and this is somewhat true. The proper term for a sociopath is an antisocial personality disorder, that does not mean you don’t like to go to parties. Antisocial personality disorder means essentially that you’re a criminal. Sociopath is the layperson’s term for that. Basically, it’s somebody who doesn’t just break the law but breaking the law is a way for them to get distance from people. They can’t do relationships. This is a truism that a lot of people don’t understand, not everybody can do relationships. They don’t realize it, it’s unconscious. This is not them saying they’re going to fake a relationship, it is unconscious. That terminology is personality disorder when someone has difficulty or impossibility to create a substantial, healthy, intimate relationship. We call it a personality disorder and then there are different flavors. Closeness feels threatening. Narcissism is when the closeness gets to be too much for these people. Closeness feels threatening. If your healthy, closeness feels good but to people with personality disorders it feels threatening; so they break the closeness. Again, not consciously but they’ll break the closeness by putting another person down and putting themselves up. Narcissists have to break that closeness by belittling a person or being mean. In a relationship they can’t both be good at something, it has to be “I’m better and you’re not.” They have to do this to break the closeness. Sociopaths break the law to break the closeness or keep secrets from you. So breaking the law is a way of breaking any tie with society. “I’m not going to follow the societal rules, I do it my way.” So they break the societal rules and they break the closeness with you because they have a secret. It’s a way of pushing everybody out and to keep himself from feeling close. So the problem is people think if someone really can’t handle closeness then they’d be a hermit, right? If someone is a hermit, …

Hidden Toxic Relationship Patterns

It is a runny-nose day! hello Dr. Laura Dabney and relationship coach Joelle Brant coming to you live talking about, well we help executive men with their relationship problems or power couples with their relationship problems but we’re on a mission to help everybody get some help with emotional or relationship problems trying to help you overcome any shame or guilt or anxiety you have about that it’s sort of like our welcome mat to  welcome you in to show you how we look and we talk to you about the same things we talk to each other about.  yeah in here and to our patients  we always ask for people to send in questions mm-hmm we’ve been hearing from lots of you so thank you I was just telling Joelle I got a message from Sam in Chesapeake wanting us to talk about toxic relationship patterns.  Hidden! Yes HIDDEN toxic relationship patterns. I mean I hope none of you are going duh and there was an obvious toxic relationship patterns. I don’t want to assume anything is obvious but there are some that we when you say or  we talk about, that people don’t see or it’s hard for them to see when you point it out, so yes so those the ones who want to talk about. Someone is calling right now! Is it Lola with more food?  we hit the mother load today Lola is Joelle’s mother she brought us all these tasty treats Thank You Lola, too many but thank you it’s true okay yep so we’re happy about that. um that’s toxic food treats so the toxic relationship patterns and I thought was a good segue because we talked last week about dealing with toxic people in your life mhm and really it’s sort of the flip side of that because with toxic people in your life you have to get a little distance with putting up a boundary or leaving if they’re really toxic but this is where you can make a change in the pattern yourself. so things will improve you don’t have to change or put distance for the other person you can make a change which will bring you closer to that person because the toxic pattern is in the way. so let’s talk about them well you know what that’s I can actually there’s probably at least three categories here …