dating advice for men, how to choose the right woman

Precision Dating Advice for Men

Dr. Dabney’s Guide to Precision Dating Advice for Men Choose the right woman from the start and what to do when you don’t. Men, hear me on this: Quit cheating yourselves of a great relationship before you even get started. I’ve seen hundreds of men make the same mistakes—choosing the wrong women and staying with them for too long and through too much. So trust me when I tell you that a small change in your approach today can save you thousands in divorce and therapy fees down the road. I call it, Precision Dating. Let me provide you with dating advice for men. Precision Dating comes down to making crucial and informed decisions at three points in your relationship. Skip any of these decisions, and you may find yourself deep in the muck with a woman who drains you of your time, your energy, and your money. The truth is that every troubled relationship has its warning signals from the very beginning—but men, being conditioned to be problem solvers and fixers—tend to ignore the warnings. And when you ignore the warnings, you do so at your peril. Phase one: Casual dating The first key to precision dating is to cast a wide net when dating. Contrary to the popular belief that men love to “play the field,” a significant portion of men settle down as quickly as possible. They find a woman, commit quickly, and spend the next few years of their life trying to make the relationship work. Men with this tendency pride themselves on being loyal. But what they’ve really done is invested everything in an untested and unproven concept— a decision they’d likely never make with business or financial investments. Instead, think of dating like shopping for a new car. Not only do you have to like the way it looks, but you have to trust its reliability (you wouldn’t ignore the rattle under the hood during a test drive), it has to fit your needs (you wouldn’t rely on a sports car for weekend ski trips), and it has to fit you, both physically and emotionally (tall men don’t buy Ford Fiestas and successful salesmen with large territories don’t buy gas-guzzling Hummers, no matter how much they like the other features). Dating is about experience. While I am in no way comparing a woman to purchase, the expectations you take with you while dating should …

Straightforward Relationship Advice for Men: Getting the Love You Want

Getting the Love You Want Without Being Inconsiderate With any luck and no small amount of perseverance, we’ve all achieved important things in life: completed our educational goals, built successful careers, and maybe even raised children. Every one of us can claim at least one major success in life. When we want something badly enough, we’ll work until we get it. And yet, why does getting the love you want, feel so incredibly difficult? I get some version of this question almost every week. My response: Yes! Getting the love you want is tough. But the skills you need for intimacy aren’t much different than the skills you’ve already developed for life. You need to learn why and how to apply them. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love; requires aggression. Sounds contradictory, I know. We think of our ideal love as gentle and forgiving, while aggression is best saved for the board room and rush hour traffic. But those are just two examples of aggression. What I teach in both love and life is the concept of constructive aggression, the ability to assert one’s self for self-preservation. In other words, it’s a fancy way of describing the act of sticking up for yourself. In a relationship, you may notice that a feeling is nearing a tipping point. Something about your partner, something they do or don’t do. Your partner doesn’t pay attention when you want it, doesn’t offer help when you need it, or they talk when you’d prefer they listen —is wearing you down. Maybe it’s on your mind all the time or causing symptoms such as excessive alcohol use or destructive fantasies. This is the perfect time to call on your constructive aggression to resolve the feeling. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love, requires aggression. Here’s how. You have to either present your need to your partner or deal with your anger. For example, you could say, “I need you to please talk to your mom less during our evenings together,” or “I’m upset that you interrupted me when I was talking.” I admit that this can be tough. We tend to fear that using our constructive aggression will come off as mean or selfish. The problem though is that focusing on other people’s feelings more than our own is a recipe for disaster. …