We are here to talk Beyond Boundaries and give Simple Fixes for Your Relationship Problems.
We have some tips on how to fix your relationship problems. These are the quick tips we give beyond just boundary setting, which is huge!
There are some other quick down and dirty statements that go beyond boundaries, you can make to stop some troublesome patterns in your relationship. The one mentioned most is walking away. But walking away is a little passive-aggressive if you’re in the middle of something or your partner is in the middle of something and you walk away. You’re going stir them up because they’re not going to know where you are or why you just left, or if you are coming back. That can be hurtful to them. So instead of just walking away, you can use a bridge statement. You can say, “I’m going to leave, this is getting a little too much, but let’s revisit it after dinner.” Making that statement versus just walking away helps keep it from being torture for the other person.
Walking Away Without a Statement
Another way to go beyond boundaries is there are times when walking away without a statement is appropriate. The first example walking away with a bridge statement is if someone’s inappropriately aggressive, such as name-calling, yelling aggressively; when you start to experience anxiety discomfort. If they’re passive-aggressive, such as mumbling under their breath, saying something and passing- that’s the time to simply walk away. What that’s doing is the other person is being inappropriate, and they’re drawing you into an argument you can’t win. Right? You didn’t hear them, they claim they didn’t say anything, so you get into those dead-end fights, going back and forth. Don’t take the bait, and simply ignore it. Walk into the next room,(not angrily) remove yourself. The idea is that your partner needs to learn, and this is how to help them learn that they’ll only get your attention if they approach you appropriately. They’re not going to lose you if they’re not appropriate.
One Way Statements
When going beyond boundaries, there are one-way Statements or simple statements are where you say what your emotion is in light of what they do. But there are times where just saying how you feel and leaving it at that, has a lot more impact. An example would be, “oh, that hurts.” These statements get you away from somebody ready to pounce as soon as you say, “it’s hurtful when you say this.” Or if you’ve said a million times, “it hurts when you criticize me,” and they’re still criticizing you, you might want to abbreviate it to- “that’s painful.”
If you say it hurts or that’s painful, they have nothing else to say except sorry, or it can open up communication. It may serve as a reminder to them where they’ll say, “what did I do that hurt?” Because they may truly still not get it and then it gives you that communication that opened for them to say, “well, this is what you did that hurt.” You can explain it once they ask and it lets them know that the pain is right there and there’s no distraction from it by saying what they did or didn’t do.
Lastly, we’d like to recommend the do-over. People say, “I wish I had a do-over.” Well, you can have a do-over. Just ask. This is especially good when you’re making mistakes such as being too loud. And she’s making mistakes, such as calling names. If you both find yourself being not productive. Not going anywhere, then stop and say, “Hey, can we do this again? Let’s start this again.” Even at another time, such as after dinner. “We’re both too wound up right now.” That sometimes can be a relief to the other person as much as this is a relief to you.
The key to all of this is don’t let those relationship patterns keep going on. It doesn’t get better; it’s not a time cures all wounds type of situation. This can be used in any relationship, where all of these things are true. Relationships such as grown children, your parents, your friends, this is helpful for all relationships.
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