Destroying Your Child’s Self Esteem in The Name of “Good Parenting.”

The toughest job you’ll never be thanked for is being a parent. Let’s about self-esteem.  A lot of people have the wrong impression of what good parenting is, thinking that it’s going to create a great person or a great relationship. When in fact, these methods hurt your child’s self-esteem or keep the self-esteem from growing. There are parenting techniques that seem good to some people or seem good on the surface that really aren’t. Let’s start with the good soldier technique, maybe because I am in a military community there are a lot of parents who think that the child who is obedient, “yes sir, no sir,” type, that that’s a good kid. There is nothing wrong with bad manners, I’m not saying manners are something you need to teach a child for sure but an obedient child is not a good child. When somebody comes in and the child’s in college and they’ve been A-ok the whole time, that means the child has not been able to practice the other thing that they need to be well-developed human beings that can be in a relationship and that is their aggressive skills. By making them or insisting they be obedient you’re giving them one skill and that is to learn how to be passive, humble, to learn to take direction, all those things are important but what about being the leader, the authority figure the one to give direction? How can they learn that if you don’t practice that with them? I hear so much of this obedience part is, “they have to respect me.” But somehow if the child has their own idea, their own way of doing things, or if they’re disobedient; somehow they don’t respect the child. First of all, like anybody else has to, you have to earn their respect but more importantly, the question is why don’t they respect you? That’s the question you should be asking yourself. What’s going on? Why is he acting out? It’s so much more valuable than to keep trying to shove your way and your stuff down his throat. Letting the child have their own way, and give you a little guff, a little pushback is healthy for that child. That is where they get their self-esteem. There’s no self-esteem involved in saying yes sir, yes ma’am. It takes some self-esteem, some guts, some bravery to say, “you …

Robo Man Syndrome, When Men Don’t Emote

Men Do Not Emote.  Well, SOME men. Robo Man Syndrome When Men Do Not Emote.  This is a common issue that comes up. I’m Dr. Laura Dabney this is Joelle Brant we both work with executive men to help them with their relationships.  We support the Robo man syndrome men who do not emote.  We’ve talked about emotions and how they sometimes like to protect themselves from emotions in ways it might not be a good idea. Such as pathological altruism and doing everything for everyone at the expense of yourself not be at boundaries. We talked about boundaries more popular ones we spoke of panic and anxiety, yes, phobias oh yeah Joelle’s phobia. I did kill an ant yesterday, so maybe I’m making progress.  Well I’ve been talking we’ve both been talking with Dr. Jed diamond, and I am fond of him. He is a psychologist who works outside of San Francisco, and he played a significant role in helping us understand men’s emotions. He has a very similar clientele to us. So we have a lot in common, and it’s been a joy to talk with him he wrote the book male menopause back in the 70s, and since then he’s gotten interested in what he calls irritable man syndrome. Which are men who feel the only emotion they’re allowed to have is anger.  If they’re hurt, they’re angry; if they’re sad, they’re mad, you know everything else comes out that’s anger! That’s been interesting. So that’s what he sees the most that are what he sees a lot of. That’s what we’ve been writing about. I was talking about what I see and what we talked about, which is Robo man. It’s a little different than irritable man but along the same lines where men often feel that any kind of emoting is harmful or effeminate or something’s not right with it. They are trying to, and they will tell if this is a conscious thing they were trying to be robotic. I’m going to have no emotion shut down or get down even.  I just shut it down yeah it’ll be the only kind of involute does the other word I use a lot the in Buddhist goes like oyster into their shell they clam up, and there’s nobody home this will not help you can’t penetrate that which can be very frustrating for people in their lives. They’re trying to get a sense of what’s going on, and there’s an emotion attached to what’s going on. They won’t even they won’t just say platitudes or general statements. They …