Men and Emotions

There’s still a stigma in our society that makes it hard for men to show their emotions and keep their masculinity. Women have come a long way with their ability to emote; emoting has always been more acceptable for women. In the past, women had trouble with aggression. Now women can be in the workforce, go for gold medals, and be on sports teams. Women have bridged the gap in aggression & passivity and emoting & action better than men. Men have not caught up in terms of their ability to show their emotions and feel masculine intact. We have devoted our attention to executive men with relationship problems because they have a history, where they’re encouraged to be aggressive, and are rewarded for being aggressive in the workplace. At home or in an intimate relationship- men act aggressive, and they get “in trouble,” or they get passive and get “in trouble.” They aren’t able to say what they really want or what they really need, which causes the relationship to go south. How men and women deal with certain emotions differently An example of an emotional difference between men and women is anger and how they express it. Women struggle with anger by having the thoughts that anger is not okay, or it’s wrong. Whereas when men get angry, they are terrified that the anger is going to lead to becoming physical and that they will actually hurt somebody. Men fear that if they admit they are angry, then their next step is to hurt someone. How to properly handle anger The way to correctly handle anger is to think about the anger, emote, and deal with the anger; as a result, the anger will not build and blow. Would you like to learn more about men and their emotional health? Head over to https://drldabney.com/free-relationship-advice-articles/ to find dozens of free self-help articles.

Anxiety and Phobias the Down and Dirty

Phobias, anxiety, disorders, and the unconscious. hello happy Tuesday!  It is a good Tuesday because I got a visit from Lola.     Just so everyone knows, Lola is my mom she was lives locally around here. Lolo is my dad.  They stopped by after Mass today to drop off some snacks to Dr. Dabney and my dad also wanted to check on her plant.   Also another perfect surprise was Ava just running through the office she’s adorable.   That’s why we couldn’t finish our talk last time about anxiety. I panicked because Joelle was anxious to get her kids so o we had to cut it short.   So we’re not going to do that today.  we’re gonna continue our talk on panic and anxiety good with that so   that’s a good point to point out if you have an anxiety about something then it’s not a mental disorder.   yeah so if you know what the reason is then it’s, actually a normal reaction. a normal reaction that you’re anxious about, like picking up the little munchkins on time.     people come in and anxiety they don’t   know why and that’s when it becomes   interesting or they think they know why   and it might not be the real why right   exactly   so that’s what we dig in and do our work   because that’s really that’s what’s most   exciting it’s like being a detective   because you have to find out what it is   because it’s unconscious right and why is it unconscious because it hurts it hurts right right there’s some pain there there’s something I’m septa below yeah which is painful that you know your brain is smart most people’s brains are sparse it wants to cover up pain it doesn’t want to feel pain so it’s like this jujitsu you’re doing with yourself you like I want to know why they don’t wanna know why I don’t know why but I don’t wanna know so our job is to get glimpses of that as it comes to the surface and pull it out help them understand in a safe place where they know that yes it’s gonna hurt but supposed to get and it’s   brief and it’s not you’re never Burghley and it never hurts as much as they imagined or you imagine that it’s like a it’s like a it’s like …

How to Enforce Boundaries Without Being the Bad Guy

Hello again! Dr. Laura Dabney and Joelle Brant, life coach we are here helping men, executive men with relationship problems.   We are helping everybody get over the fear of seeing or getting help from somebody in mental health if you need it yes for your emotions and or your relationships. But really almost everybody with emotional problem ends up having a relationship problem.  You can  say for this that it definitely might not be a huge relationship problem but it does affect the relationship.   yeah I think that’s most of the time true what Joelle and I were kind of laughing when we started because we continue to get questions and feedback on our boundaries episodes.  we’ve had two write ins about boundary talks before and they seem to be a big hit so somehow this is an issue.    actually you know what else has been a big issue we’ve been talking a lot with reporters lately that’s been a big change in our practice I don’t know if you noticed on Instagram and Facebook but there have been more articles we’ve been quoted in and they are that topic that keeps coming up over and over again a sociopath.   somehow that’s the big topic I hear it’s there’s some YouTube war going on about somebody claiming someone’s a sociopath and some people thinking he’s not. and that’s maybe part of it but sociopath is a good topic.  so let us know if you wanna hear about that that one put that one on the back burner  because we talked a lot about that.      well maybe a little too much experiences with sociopaths and that’s not fun.  and then we have boundaries for today and we thought we would add a little twist and talk about how to set boundaries.    How to  enforce them without being the bad guy.  we get that question in session a lot so we’ve talked in our other episodes here about what a boundary is and why you need them so check that out I think is that our paprika one.  that’s too funny.   that is our paprika example.  Because you were in the paprika example, make  sure to get me paprika and Joelle’s paprika shirt haha.   so boundaries are important.    once you understand a boundary  and why you need them how do you set that?  yeah so people are very concerned about being the bad guy whenever we talk about discussing negative feelings. or putting up a boundary which involves a negative feeling so I think that’s why a little connection.   like like somehow if you let on you have a …

Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How Do These Words Go Together?

Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How do these words go together? Hello! Dr. Dabney is back in Virginia Beach with me! This is my coach Joelle Brant,  I am Dr. Dabney psychotherapist and coach, I do it all! Okay so did you miss me? I did! Tyler is honing in on your spotlight.  I am OKAY with that!!   Well,  we talked about red flags.   In general we’re talking about busting myths to help people get in the door.. Or to get people to pick up the phone to call us  with any emotional problems you have. You can call us with any relationship problem too. We can help you with,  so we’re hoping that if we bring it all down to earth for you and make it more palatable that you’ll be able to make that call. Our new location in Richmond has two new patients coming which is so awesome.  We’re excited to see patients rolling in there and connecting with new doctors and it’s so exciting! it’s like having a baby! My Richmond office,  is my baby.   Virginia Beach is another baby! What do you think about the red flag talk?  Good talk? It was a good talk, I think when it comes to red flags it’s helpful for people to hear those things.   Because sometimes they just don’t even realize that some actions are red flags. It is like you get swept up into a red flag relationship.   I think people  just get so swept up into helping and fixing. So they just,  you know keep afloat that they don’t realize they’re in a red flag relationship. Hopefully some people stopped and gave that a second thought or shared it with someone that they think are involved in or red flag relationship. You can share this information with someone you know by looking supportive.   I think people are afraid to share advice with others. You do not need to say “so I think you need to see a shrink because you have a problem.” There are nice ways to do that I mean we talked about that.   Softer ways to tell friends and family that they may need some help with something.  We can get into that one day. What did we say  we were going to talk about today? We can talk about phobias. Oh phobias that’s right! we’ve had it come up all day …

Ah-Ha Moments, Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy

Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy. We’re live again! I know, again! So I think, what are we going to talk about today? Well we wanted to talk about Ah-Ha moments okay so those times in therapy where people go “oh my god I never thought about it that way.” Or something, because those are really the most rewarding. Yes, true. Nothing is better than when you get someone to think about something in a new way. These are emotional breakthroughs. So we talk about the terrible triad, we always talk about that. Like my terrible three kids? No no not your kids haha! Oh the triad, okay gotcha! Your kids are adorable when they are here. Okay the triad being the three emotions, the negative emotions that everybody hides from. So, it’s anger, neediness, and sadness. So this is at the heart of most emotional problems and so that’s the anger people that they feel is “bad or wrong.”  They try to bury it. Neediness they think it is weak, and sadness they do not understand that it is normal. Sadness IS normal! This, for us it’s like saying having eyes as normal. It’s very hard to convince people who think it’s abnormal that these three emotions, anger, neediness, and sadness are normal. So what they’re doing is trying to bury or hide those emotions. And it’s like a blister where it’s the cover-up that causes all the problems, you know so it’s the hiding and pretending they don’t have it which comes in lots of forms. They call that defending, they defend against it they turn it into its opposite. So an example with neediness, there are people that you know, they’re always taking care of other people’s needs.  They want to make sure everyone else is okay.  When it’s really, that they need something. I think that’s one of the most common ones that I hear. Yeah then we’ll say something along lines of “looks like you’re taking care of everybody else because you want to deny that you have any needs yourself they go “I don’t need any I don’t need anything” or sometimes they just think that neediness is a sign of weakness and it’s just normal. right so we spend a lot of time trying to get people comfortable and to really believe. it’s funny that they think it can be normal for everybody else but …