Destroying your child’s self esteem in the name of “good parenting”

The toughest job you’ll never be thanked for is being a parent. Let’s about self-esteem.  A lot of people have the wrong impression of what good parenting is, thinking that it’s going to create a great person or a great relationship. When in fact, these methods hurt your child’s self-esteem or keep the self-esteem from growing. There are parenting techniques that seem good to some people or seem good on the surface that really aren’t. Let’s start with the good soldier technique, maybe because I am in a military community there are a lot of parents who think that the child who is obedient, “yes sir, no sir,” type, that that’s a good kid. There is nothing wrong with bad manners, I’m not saying manners are something you need to teach a child for sure but an obedient child is not a good child. When somebody comes in and the child’s in college and they’ve been A-ok the whole time, that means the child has not been able to practice the other thing that they need to be well-developed human beings that can be in a relationship and that is their aggressive skills. By making them or insisting they be obedient you’re giving them one skill and that is to learn how to be passive, humble, to learn to take direction, all those things are important but what about being the leader, the authority figure the one to give direction? How can they learn that if you don’t practice that with them? I hear so much of this obedience part is, “they have to respect me.” But somehow if the child has their own idea, their own way of doing things, or if they’re disobedient; somehow they don’t respect the child. First of all, like anybody else has to, you have to earn their respect but more importantly, the question is why don’t they respect you? That’s the question you should be asking yourself. What’s going on? Why is he acting out? It’s so much more valuable than to keep trying to shove your way and your stuff down his throat. Letting the child have their own way, and give you a little guff, a little pushback is healthy for that child. That is where they get their self-esteem. There’s no self-esteem involved in saying yes sir, yes ma’am. It takes some self-esteem, some guts, some bravery to say, “you …