Why do People Watch Porn? From a Doctor’s Perspective.

Top 3 porn-related reasons I see people in my office

A Doctor’s perspective on why do people watch porn or why they’re porn addicted. Whether you’re the one using it or someone you know does. This can be a tough topic in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be.

Reason number one- Conflict with intimacy.

Why do people watch porn? Some people have trouble with intimacy. I don’t mean they just make mistakes, but they actually have a conflict with it. They’re conflicted about the closeness. They want the closeness, they’re in a relationship, they love their significant other, but they have connected intimacy with something bad.

Typically, the ‘something bad’ is: being taken over, being controlled, losing their individuality.  They want the closeness, but then they feel as though they’ll lose themselves. Now, a lot of people resolve this with pornography because it’s a way to put a wedge between them and their significant other. It’s a way for them to get some relief from that sensation of being too close.

Somehow, it’s tough for people to maintain intimacy for that reason, and it comes out in that fashion.

Reason number 2- Conflict with aggression.

There are a lot of people who have a conflict with aggression and a conflict with anger. They know it’s an emotion, they know it’s a normal emotion, but they have so much guilt about it, that they tend to bury it. They tend to think anger is wrong, bad, mean; something they need to avoid at all costs. This is what I call an enemy emotion, where they shove it away. Somehow they don’t realize anger is normal and expressing that anger is required, or it’s going to blow or implode.

They end up hurting themselves with it, by not dealing with the anger, or expressing it because they feel so guilty and they want to bury. The anger stays under the surface. So, they use pornography as sort of a weapon. “I’m not going to connect with you. I’m going to connect with my magazine,” or where ever pornography is being viewed.

And then, of course, it ends up hurting the significant other, because they end up finding out about the pornography. The S.O. has no idea why their partner is using porn because the partner has not expressed the anger. And they may not even be consciously aware of the anger, which is interesting. Pornography can be used as a way to avoid anger.

Reason number 3- Conflict with neediness.

The other emotion people have a conflict with is neediness. So many people equate neediness with vulnerability or weakness. They somehow don’t notice that they’re the same person with the same strengths before they say they need something as they are afterward. I hear this all the time, “ If I say I’m needy, I’m more vulnerable because someone could say no,” Yes, someone can say no, but you can handle when someone says no, it doesn’t make you more vulnerable. It may not be pleasant to hear someone say no, but it’s certainly a lot more pleasant than acting as if the need doesn’t exist. Which like every emotion; if you don’t take care of that emotion, it ends up imploding or exploding.

Neediness is a way to cover up saying I need you; I need more sex, I need more intimacy. Instead, the pornography solves it for them, and they can pretend they don’t need you or anything. But they’re secretly using pornography to satisfy that need without anyone knowing they have that need.

 

Why do People Watch Porn?

  1. It puts a wedge between them and the other person, which gives them some relief from feeling like intimacy is going to take them over.
  2. It’s a way to deal with anger because they feel so guilty about the anger, so they use it as a weapon.
  3. It’s a way to deal with neediness. People who feel like neediness is a weakness, use pornography for the need instead.

 

If you or someone you know is struggling with pornography addiction, call (757)340-8800 for a 15-minute consultation or schedule a call here.

 

For more topics, go to www.drldabney.com or www.lauradabney.com.