The Definition of Intimacy

The Definition of Intimacy and how to achieve it We do deal with a lot of couples married couples. People in long term relationships where I think a lot of times people don’t understand what real intimacy is or they have their ideas of what it is. Still, Dr. Dabney has taught me along the lines of what the real and true definition of intimacy is. Typically, people think intimacy means sex, but the broader definition is transparency. That’s one of the easiest ways to explain it. Transparency being honesty. If people bury their feelings like anger, neediness, and sadness because they feel it’s bad or wrong or hurtful. This is you hiding something. If you’re hiding something, it’s not a good idea because either you’re hiding an emotion, and it later builds and blows, or you’re hiding something, so you feel resentful that it’s not being taken care of. It causes all kinds of problems, so to be able to say something difficult and possibly cause some hurt or some pain or difficult conversation is way better every time then burying it. When it comes to talking about things, if you don’t talk about things or aren’t honest, that’s when people can act out and have bad actions. Versus people acting out things as a way to hint. Hint that there’s a problem. There’s a term alexithymia. What does that mean? It means you cannot read your own emotions; you can’t read emotions. For example, If someone is crying and I ask, “what are you feeling?” and they’ll respond with “I don’t know.” It’s widespread, and I have to say, “I see tears, and usually, tears mean sadness.” I have to walk people through that sometimes. That’s how disconnected they are from certain feelings. I’ll even try to make the step for them. I’ll say when people feel it, their hands are clenched and their hearts racing, and their jaws are clenched. What is that feeling? Usually, they can name the emotion in somebody else. What if someone else had that what would you think? They sometimes need a stair-stepping method to get them to understand their emotions fully. Especially when it’s something that they’re not used to or never had to deal with. Not that they hadn’t had to deal with it but that they never did deal with it right or you didn’t learn how to deal …