Hidden Toxic Relationship Patterns

   Toxic Relationship Patterns Hidden! Yes, HIDDEN toxic relationship patterns. There are toxic patterns that people don’t see, or it’s hard for them to see when you point it out. With toxic people in your life, you have to get a little distance with putting up a boundary or leaving if they’re really toxic. You can make a change in the toxic relationship patterns yourself. That way things will improve, you don’t have to change or put distance for the other person you can make a change, which will bring you closer to that person because the toxic pattern is in the way. There are at least three categories. We’ll talk about one per week. Let’s talk about the obvious. The obvious one is the screaming, the yelling, the swearing, and the name-calling. Most people- even if they can’t control that, they know that’s not the best way.  They may need help overcoming it. If someone does that in your life, you have to put up a boundary. Let them know this is not going to work for you, and you’re not going to listen to them. Or if you do it yourself and you can’t stop, you can’t control yourself; then you need some help with that. Other Aggressive Toxic Relationship Patterns There are some other aggressive, toxic relationship patterns that people don’t realize, and the first one that comes to mind for me is my very favorite, “but I was just helping the person, I was giving advice.” And then they get even madder when I say that they should be able to handle criticism or get help. There are two different versions of this. One is criticism, where you’re saying something is bothering you, and you say, “It’s rude to be late all of the time, you should know it drives people away”  Criticism is aggressive and nasty, whether you sugarcoat it or not and it’s tough for people to see that.  We’re all adults. No Rule Book There is no real rule book, there’s the law, that’s one thing, but there’s no other rule book out there. So you are opening up the page and saying, “It’s rude not to put your napkin in your lap.” Or whatever the situation is, is condescending and judgmental and it’s not effective. You’re going to irritate the person, so you’ve lost an ally. If you’re doing that to …

Relationship Breaking Points

Relationship Breaking Points.  What is Relationship Breaking Points? This is what we discuss today.   How do you know when your relationship is in trouble and when should you get professional help? We love that question because there’s no easy answer to that. Healthy couples do have arguments or heated discussions from time to time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need emotional help or relationship or professional help, but why not? Why not make it easier on yourself and your relationship? One of the questions is when do you know when you’re at your breaking point? We‘d rather you come in before your breaking point. So if you’re starting to question your breaking point or if you’re at your breaking point that maybe the breaking point. That’s a big thing, coming in beforehand or if you feel like you’re at your breaking point that’s also the time where you probably need to call us and come to us or anybody, to start really figuring out what got you there. We want to emphasize that you can call us and we can talk and see if you’re ready to come in, just because you pick up the phone and call someone in mental health or anybody it doesn’t mean you’re committed to a lifetime of therapy. There’s a lot of stages in between and we’ve seen people, we’ve talked to people on the phone a lot, we’ve emailed people and helped them. We have had people come in for one assessment, one meeting and everything in between one meeting and ten years of therapy. It’s all in between. So if you’re questioning the breaking point, it’s a good time to pick up the phone and call somebody. What we would call a breaking point, what we call in mental health- a breaking point is when the argument starts becoming invasive in your life. Does it impact your other relationships? Does it impact your work? Does it impact your health? Those are the three main areas we look at. In fact, we talk about this too, some area of your life has to be impacted negatively for us to even give a diagnosis. According to the DSM which is our Bible, someone has to come in, so if someone came in and said I’m crying all the time, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I’m a mess. If they say it’s not affecting work or it’s not affecting relationships then we couldn’t give him a diagnosis of depression. That definition of breaking …