How Not to Raise a Child Sociopath or Narcissist

 How Not to Raise a Child Sociopath or Narcissist This is a question I get all of the time. How not to raise a child sociopath or narcissist. Because teenagers can look like they’re sociopaths or narcissists, but they’re healthy teens. So what’s the difference? To start, we need to understand what a sociopath and narcissist are. If we don’t fully understand this, we’re not going to be able to avoid it or avoid raising a child sociopath or narcissist. These terms have been in the news a lot, and we in psychology have them under the umbrella of personality disorder. It’s a terrible phrase, I know, but that’s the phrase we use. Personality disorders have many different forms, 2 of them which are sociopaths and narcissist. So what’s at the heart of that? People with personality disorders can’t do relationships. Some people actually can’t tolerate relationships, but they want them terribly. It’s an awful dilemma for them, and most of this is unconscious. What you’ll see is they can’t tolerate closeness, and they can’t tolerate distance. And those two things are kind of at the poles of all healthy relationships. What do I mean by that? If you’re healthy and in a healthy relationship, what that means is you’re getting close, and you’re getting distant, you’re getting close, and you’re getting distant. Let’s say you have a girlfriend, you see her, and you have a great time, and then you don’t see her, and you do other things, all healthy relationships are like that.  They Can’t Tolerate Closeness or Distance for Very Long What happens with a narcissist or sociopath, is they can’t tolerate closeness for very long because it feels like being taken over. So to them, closeness starts feeling like being invaded, being taken over, being eliminated; it becomes a terrible feeling for them. Just like distancing becomes an awful feeling for them because it feels like abandonment, a terrible loss.  Both of these feel like extremes to the personality disorder patients, so they avoid them. And how they avoid them is by wiggling around in the middle; instead of doing close and distancing they’re getting close and then doing something to break the closeness such as arguing, cheating, lying, attacking- whatever it is, they got to get away, and they do, but they can’t stay away. After they’re apart, it starts to feel like a …

How to Overcome Intimacy Issues

  Let’s talk about the Intimacy Now Online Course And how to overcome intimacy issues The Intimacy Now online course is my course that offers a way to help people in areas and places and situations that I have never been able to reach before. It teaches the participants how to overcome intimacy issues and solve destructive relationship patterns. Any barriers preventing you from seeing me, such as time, distance, space, money, whatever it is… Is taken away with this course, which I love. The more people I reach, the more relationships I can change, and that’s what I love to do. The Intimacy Now online course was started last spring, and we had a great turnout. We also received great feedback which was very uplifting to me, and very rewarding for me. But more importantly, the people who joined got great satisfaction out of the program. Naming things like, “It was the first time I had practical psychiatric help as opposed to psychobabble.” They were able to apply it to their situation and benefit from it. Some people said that they were happy for the first time in their relationship, ever, which is pretty big. And other people talked about the different ideas and advice that I gave and how it helped them turn something specific around, such as their ability to talk about negative emotions with their spouse or significant other. What to do about those tense moments after a fight, how to give your spouse what they need without being a yes-man- you know to lose your backbone, how to get what you need, how to handle being on a separate page and on and on. Lots of great feedback. This course was me compiling every aha moment in the therapy session. Killer advice from killer therapy sessions where someone said, “Oh my gosh, I never thought about it that way,” or “Oh my gosh, that worked so well.” I took all those moments, and it boiled down to six pieces of advice to fix the most destructive relationship patterns. And teach couples how to overcome intimacy issues. Questions and Answers Q. How can you answer my question on a general course because it’s so specific? A. Well, after doing this for 20 years- helping professionals of all kinds to fix their relationship problems, really, everybody’s details are different- that is true. But it all comes down …

Life After Divorce for Men: Are you ready to date?

  Life After Divorce for Men- A Dating After Divorce Success Story After Two Divorces, Elliot Discovers Why He’s the One Who’s Hard to be With No one goes into a marriage, hoping for divorce. We marry for love, not for the betrayal, arguing, guilt, and worry that comes with a break-up. Life after divorce for men or anyone can be difficult. Not to mention the cost of lawyers, filings, spousal, and child support. It’s so awful, why would anyone risk marriage again? Even worse, what happens when you go through it all over again? Unfortunately, the risk of divorce actually rises with each marriage. While 50% of all first marriages end in divorce, nearly 80% of third marriages end up there. In other words, we don’t get better at relationships, we actually get worse, unless we take serious steps to learn from the past. Life after divorce for men can be tricky, but taking steps to participate in programs such as the Dating After Divorce coaching service can help you navigate your new life. This is one of the reasons we’ve had so much success with our Dating After Divorce coaching services. Nobody wants to go through the pain of divorce, but neither do we have a clear idea of what we need to do differently next time. Case Study: Elliot Like so many of my clients, “Elliot” had big ideas and an ability to bring them to life. He was a successful restaurateur and lived a good life. The trouble was, he was also divorced twice and was devastated over a recent break-up. By the time we met, he was nearly convinced that he always picked the wrong women. The interesting thing about Elliot, however, was that he didn’t make the mistakes I see so many men make in their relationships. He didn’t get involved with women who showed red flags like substance or abuse legal and financial trouble, and he did his best to pay attention to the relationship. Elliot wasn’t committing to troubled women, and he wasn’t running away from conflict. He was a Red Flag to Others Instead, Elliot was the person women found it hard to be with. He, himself, was a red flag to others. Elliot participated in Coaching and changed all that. With guidance, Elliot learned how to successfully date after divorce by learning to spot the things he was doing to …

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

 How to overcome porn addiction. Pornography addiction brings up such a sense of overwhelming helplessness whether you have the addiction or you know somebody who has this addiction or you are in a relationship with someone who has this addiction. It can bring up those feelings in all parties, and it tends to lead to people doing the wrong thing. They get a little panicky and start ordering and making rules and kicking people out. That is understandable, but it can sometimes make things worse. Let’s talk from a doctor’s perspective about what typically causes porn addiction so we can understand it, and how to overcome porn addiction. If we can understand it, then we can fix it. That’s medicine in a nutshell right there.  So what it causes porn addiction? In my experience, pornography addiction covers up something else. People get very busy and very involved in this inanimate stuff, as a way to cover up something within ourselves. Those three things that people cover up are three emotions, actually. Anger, neediness, and sadness. These three emotions, more than any other emotions, cause terrible conflict in people. My 20 years of experience everybody who’s come in with pornography addiction has conflicts with one or more of those emotions. What is that about? What do I mean by conflict?  Anger Anger, for instance, people who feel anger especially toward someone they love or care about, it can bring up tremendous guilt as if they shouldn’t have this anger; as if it’s not normal to have this anger. Or they think if they express this anger, it’s going to lead to hurting that person. So they get very busy burying the anger emotion. They won’t admit it to themselves; or dare say it, ever. They get very involved in burying it. So pornography is a way instead of saying to your significant other, “Hey I’m really annoyed or angry that you’ve let our sex life slide.” or “Hey, I’m really upset that you aren’t interested in sex anymore,” or, “I’m upset we don’t have a closer relationship.” Instead, they just pretend that angers not even there, and they’re going to use pornography instead. Oh, by the way, a lot of the times people who are bearing anger accidentally let their spouse find out about the pornography use, so then the spouse ends up getting punished, right? The act of anger …

Why do People Watch Porn? From a Doctor’s Perspective.

 Top 3 porn-related reasons I see people in my office A Doctor’s perspective on why do people watch porn or why they’re porn addicted. Whether you’re the one using it or someone you know does. This can be a tough topic in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be. Reason number one- Conflict with intimacy. Why do people watch porn? Some people have trouble with intimacy. I don’t mean they just make mistakes, but they actually have a conflict with it. They’re conflicted about the closeness. They want the closeness, they’re in a relationship, they love their significant other, but they have connected intimacy with something bad. Typically, the ‘something bad’ is: being taken over, being controlled, losing their individuality.  They want the closeness, but then they feel as though they’ll lose themselves. Now, a lot of people resolve this with pornography because it’s a way to put a wedge between them and their significant other. It’s a way for them to get some relief from that sensation of being too close. Somehow, it’s tough for people to maintain intimacy for that reason, and it comes out in that fashion. Reason number 2- Conflict with aggression. There are a lot of people who have a conflict with aggression and a conflict with anger. They know it’s an emotion, they know it’s a normal emotion, but they have so much guilt about it, that they tend to bury it. They tend to think anger is wrong, bad, mean; something they need to avoid at all costs. This is what I call an enemy emotion, where they shove it away. Somehow they don’t realize anger is normal and expressing that anger is required, or it’s going to blow or implode. They end up hurting themselves with it, by not dealing with the anger, or expressing it because they feel so guilty and they want to bury. The anger stays under the surface. So, they use pornography as sort of a weapon. “I’m not going to connect with you. I’m going to connect with my magazine,” or where ever pornography is being viewed. And then, of course, it ends up hurting the significant other, because they end up finding out about the pornography. The S.O. has no idea why their partner is using porn because the partner has not expressed the anger. And they may not even be consciously aware of …