Are You Self Sabotaging Relationships? Find Out!

Self sabotaging relationships, are you doing it? Are you self sabotaging relationships without knowing? Sometimes we do not realize we are self sabotaging relationships.  In the past, we’ve discussed the hidden relationship patterns that are hurting your relationships, toxic patterns. We’re going to talk about a relationship pattern, not arguments; this is a little different. This is the ongoing- what do you want, basic, low-grade problems that you just haven’t addressed. Issues that you keep quiet about, just because you don’t want to make waves, you don’t want to rock the boat or issues you think are okay to put off until another time. The feelings can be anger, but typically we’re talking about more subtle feelings; like walking on eggshells or being annoyed or bored even. If that’s going on, guess what? It’s your problem! I can’t tell you how many times we have people come in to say, “my wife/ my husband….” And they go on and on about their problems. If there’s a chronic problem in your relationship either you’re causing it, or you’re not stopping it. Not addressing it is a problem, it keeps it going, so it’s a problem. Change How You’re Dealing with the Problem. You don’t have to change your spouse, that’s the good news. YOU can change how YOU’RE dealing with this pattern, or not dealing with it, and stop it. If people are caught in a rut and have not addressed the problem to stop it, it’s because they value one approach over the other. They value either the aggressive approach or the passive approach, and that’s a problem because you need both! You need to be able to go back and forth between the two, depending on the situation. For example, this is the person who always has a hammer for everything when a wrench would do just fine. Or the person who uses a wrench all the time but they need a hammer. If you are not able to do both, you may be self sabotaging relationships. Examine the pattern and your role in it. Such as, if you tend to value aggression, you may be the one who is always criticizing, trying to get your S.O. to change, or finding evidence to prove that you’re right; that is all an aggressive approach. People who value aggressive approaches think action is better. They may think it’s more manly, or …