Relationship Patterns and Passivity Part 2

Relationship Patterns and Passivity People come to us for relationship issues and say, “Something’s wrong with my relationship; I’m unhappy with it.” But they’re not able to say what’s going on, except some details here and there; they’re not able to see the overall picture. We’re always encouraging you to step above the weeds and look in. What’s really going on? What are the toxic relationship patterns?   Passivity Today, we were going to talk about something less obvious, and that is passivity. I can’t count how many times have people come in and say, “Well, I just let him have his way because then there wouldn’t be a fight, it’s just easier.” My response to that is, “Is this easy? You haven’t described one easy thing.” Or you let them get their way, but then you’re so angry, and it manifests differently, and that’s destructive passivity. A lot of people think passivity is being kind and will get people to love you. “If I just let everybody have their way, they’re going to love me so much.” But it never happens, it doesn’t work that way. There is constructive passivity, and then there’s destructive passivity. I’ve had people look at me when I say that like I’ve got two heads. When it comes to the passivity, what would be the most significant behavior that people don’t realize is destructive passivity? Destructive passivity tends to be giving in to something when you don’t want to. You’re pretending, lying shall we say, that you’re okay with going to the in-laws for the 6th Thanksgiving in a row; when you don’t really feel that way, this is not a good thing.   Destructive Passivity Behavior The destructive passivity behavior I always compare to is if you’re going down the street, and there’s a child or an animal in the road, and you keep on walking. There’s a car coming- something terrible is going to happen, and you just kept walking and not judging, just saying. It’s not doing something at that moment, where problems are going to happen. Not admitting that you don’t want to go somewhere or do something when somebody does is a car coming into your life, it’s going to be a problem. Either that resentment of having to do it is going to make you blow up at some point or do something passive-aggressive. Or your partner is …