Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How Do These Words Go Together?

Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How do these words go together? Hello! Dr. Dabney is back in Virginia Beach with me! This is my coach Joelle Brant,  I am Dr. Dabney psychotherapist and coach, I do it all! Okay so did you miss me? I did! Tyler is honing in on your spotlight.  I am OKAY with that!!   Well,  we talked about red flags.   In general we’re talking about busting myths to help people get in the door.. Or to get people to pick up the phone to call us  with any emotional problems you have. You can call us with any relationship problem too. We can help you with,  so we’re hoping that if we bring it all down to earth for you and make it more palatable that you’ll be able to make that call. Our new location in Richmond has two new patients coming which is so awesome.  We’re excited to see patients rolling in there and connecting with new doctors and it’s so exciting! it’s like having a baby! My Richmond office,  is my baby.   Virginia Beach is another baby! What do you think about the red flag talk?  Good talk? It was a good talk, I think when it comes to red flags it’s helpful for people to hear those things.   Because sometimes they just don’t even realize that some actions are red flags. It is like you get swept up into a red flag relationship.   I think people  just get so swept up into helping and fixing. So they just,  you know keep afloat that they don’t realize they’re in a red flag relationship. Hopefully some people stopped and gave that a second thought or shared it with someone that they think are involved in or red flag relationship. You can share this information with someone you know by looking supportive.   I think people are afraid to share advice with others. You do not need to say “so I think you need to see a shrink because you have a problem.” There are nice ways to do that I mean we talked about that.   Softer ways to tell friends and family that they may need some help with something.  We can get into that one day. What did we say  we were going to talk about today? We can talk about phobias. Oh phobias that’s right! we’ve had it come up all day …

Ah-Ha Moments, Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy

Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy. We’re live again! I know, again! So I think, what are we going to talk about today? Well we wanted to talk about Ah-Ha moments okay so those times in therapy where people go “oh my god I never thought about it that way.” Or something, because those are really the most rewarding. Yes, true. Nothing is better than when you get someone to think about something in a new way. These are emotional breakthroughs. So we talk about the terrible triad, we always talk about that. Like my terrible three kids? No no not your kids haha! Oh the triad, okay gotcha! Your kids are adorable when they are here. Okay the triad being the three emotions, the negative emotions that everybody hides from. So, it’s anger, neediness, and sadness. So this is at the heart of most emotional problems and so that’s the anger people that they feel is “bad or wrong.”  They try to bury it. Neediness they think it is weak, and sadness they do not understand that it is normal. Sadness IS normal! This, for us it’s like saying having eyes as normal. It’s very hard to convince people who think it’s abnormal that these three emotions, anger, neediness, and sadness are normal. So what they’re doing is trying to bury or hide those emotions. And it’s like a blister where it’s the cover-up that causes all the problems, you know so it’s the hiding and pretending they don’t have it which comes in lots of forms. They call that defending, they defend against it they turn it into its opposite. So an example with neediness, there are people that you know, they’re always taking care of other people’s needs.  They want to make sure everyone else is okay.  When it’s really, that they need something. I think that’s one of the most common ones that I hear. Yeah then we’ll say something along lines of “looks like you’re taking care of everybody else because you want to deny that you have any needs yourself they go “I don’t need any I don’t need anything” or sometimes they just think that neediness is a sign of weakness and it’s just normal. right so we spend a lot of time trying to get people comfortable and to really believe. it’s funny that they think it can be normal for everybody else but …