Sociopaths and Narcissists

How to Deal With The Sociopaths and The Narcissists in Your Life
In other words, how to deal with the difficult people in your life I think it came out of Lee I think the one reason why we thought it was important to talk about is actually dr. Dabney has been talking to a lot reporters and featured in a few different articles about sociopaths and narcissists just because it’s something that she deals with a little more than me but it’s definitely something where I’m learning a lot from her but it’s really important because you just sometimes you don’t see it as a person who was never really thought about it or thought the tools to kind of see these flags you know listening to her talk to the reporters reading the articles it was like you know you need to tell everyone yeah it’s a big topic so we were kind of surprised but we must have had three or four reporters wanted to speak to me about narcissist or sociopaths now one of the one of the reporters said there’s a youtube war going on with somebody somebody’s saying somebody else is a narcissist no he’s a sociopath and we were trying to figure that out so that was kind of fun and I don’t know what those YouTube things are so if that’s so then stay tuned and you can learn something here but so the difference mainly is but that’s what people always want to know the difference sociopaths are equated to monsters and narcissists are equated to full of themselves or stuck-up yes and I guess that’s that’s kind of true yeah sociopath says we term the proper term for that is antisocial personality disorder that does not mean you don’t like to go to parties mm-hm antisocial personality disorder means essentially that you’re a criminal okay and then the sociopath is the laypersons term for that let me use that term sociopath – but basically it’s somebody
who it’s not they just don’t just break the law but breaking the law is a way for them to get distance from people they can’t do relationships this is a this is a truism that a lot of people don’t understand not everybody can do relationships they can take them right that’s the problem they don’t realize if it’s unconscious people I mean this is not like they’re going okay but a fake a relationship unconscious so that terminology is personality disorder when you have difficulty or impossibility to create a substantial healthy intimate relationship we call it a personality disorder and then there’s different flavors narcissism is the one where they’re they have to they to the closeness gets to be too much for these people closeness feels threatening you know if you’re healthy closeness feels good but to
people with personality disorders
it feels threatening so they break the
closeness again not consciously but
they’ll break the closeness by putting
another person down and putting
themselves up so narcissists have to
break that closeness by being like
that’s a big nasty little like littling
– Lily listen
it can’t be we’re both good at something
you know I’m better at work they have to
do this
to break the closeness okay and
sociopaths break the law to break the
closeness or keep secrets from you so
breaking the law is a way of breaking
any type of society I’m not gonna follow
the societal rule
mm-hmm I do it my way that’s a good one
yes societal rules so they break the
silos and they break the closeness with
you because they have a secret so
they’re it’s just a way of pushing
everybody out and keep keep himself from
feeling close so the problem is you
think well if you really can’t handle
closeness is what we’re talking about
then they’d be a hermit right mm-hmm
well yes you’d be a hermit and that’s
then you don’t have a person on disorder
of all you might it’s a little different
because when they what happens is they
get the distance and then they feel
abandoned and then they need to find
that closeness again all right so this
is why you see like a yo-yo when you’re
in a relationship with these people they
want in and they break it and they walk
back in and they break it and they’re on
and usually I think is it when the
narcissist a lot of times too though
it’s like when they break it then
they’re coming they’re coming back with
all the compliments and just making you
feel great because they are trying to
salute you that’s right very that’s
where they’re poor well they may feel
like they’re overdoing it or pretending
but they’re scrambling to get back in or
they act out and then yeah they have to
do something to make up for they’re
acting out right they feel guilty or
abandoned sad whatever it is that now
they feel the loss and they got to come
back in but the difference is sociopaths
in general aren’t going to change
they’re not treatable I know there’s
exceptions but in general the main
difference is sociopaths aren’t
treatable and narcissists are there’s a
lot of people in mental health of feel
narcissist aren’t or other personality
disorders aren’t but that’s because
insurance typically won’t pay for them
to get help it takes a long time a long
time for a narcissist to improve but
there’s different different gradations
in different levels
so there can be someone who has
narcissistic traits for instance mmm
but they don’t have that push-pull to
that degree then this extreme narcissist
you probably aren’t treatable and
everything in between
mm-hmm right so what do you what do you
do what if you don’t know how do you
handle someone if you think they’re a
narcissist I think when it comes to
trying to see kind of decided decipher
and which one is which let’s say yeah
it’s definitely going to be when you
also discuss your own boundaries with
these narcissists if suppose you know
ones that you may think are narcissistic
you know if you bring up your concerns
your feelings and they dismiss you
completely or don’t even believe it’s an
issue there’s a flag right there that
okay I don’t know how far this is gonna
be able to go right there that we call
that a test I mean there’s a test you
can use to with anybody in your life who
has mistreated you or made a mistake you
know we talked about red flags a lot and
what you’re talking about is sort of the
difference between a red flag person and
the person who’s made a mistake so is
this the narcissist it’s not treatable
or not amenable to work things out or is
this a narcissist to it so if you say
right we talked about this with our
boundaries we say you know I feel X when
you do Y I get really irritated when
you’re late for our dates all the time
and they say well it’s your problem we
could always pick these places way up
you know Timbuktu they blame you that’s
bedside yeah if they dismiss you
entirely I’ll get over it you know
whatever how are they whatever excuse
they used to tell you to get over it or
you shouldn’t bother you that’s a bad
sign
so if they just like I said in the last
video if they say well oh my gosh I it’s
a habit I’m trying to break and I’m so
sorry I I am working on it I’ll try not
to do it in the future okay yeah
and I do think also it’s good to note
that you know obviously like we
said this is something that for dr.
Dabney has been it could take years for
her to help someone yeah deal with this
so you know even if you do have that
conversation and say okay I hate when
you’re late or you know I feel this when
you’re late and they try try try and
then they mess up again that’s not the
end of the world right right as long as
they’re trying right right you know you
see that sustains commitment to wanting
to at least be better that’s a big yeah
yeah you know that’s a big positive sign
that you know okay this person might be
willing to make the changes for the
relationship yes you’re gonna have to
stick up for your boundaries mm-hmm in
relationship more than once I’ve loved
people come in and go but I’ve already
told him that and he did it again it’s a
bad sign they’re narcissist like
necessarily you may have to tell them 10
times on your agenda doesn’t mean it’s
on their agenda right they’re doing it
temporarily because it hurt you and
that’s a good sign but doesn’t mean it’s
a stay on their you know radar this is
bad this is bad this is bad because then
they don’t think it’s bad or a problem
so you’re gonna have to stick up for
your self what you need but you want
more than once yeah that’s a good point
yeah it is it’s another good topic to is
like what happens when you let your
boundaries slide and how to keep them
from sliding talk about that for hours
yes this battery topic keeps coming back
it does but yes and so that’s so where
the narcissist has their problems
associate says sociopaths you probably
want to put up at a boundary and leave
you know you just don’t want to if it’s
that egregious that they’re not working
with you and the societal rules I can’t
change them you’re not going to change
them it you know it’s not worth even
putting the effort in frankly there’s
our door someone’s already here or
somebody who doesn’t care so whoever
that is we’ll go have them wait but
sociopaths say goodbye narcissists test
them out with a boundary see how they
respond
otherwise it might just be a mistake
that you have to address and it’s a good
sign if they want to wear
with you yep absolutely that next time
with some more extension of this I’m
sure I know all right happy day