Robo Man Syndrome, When Men Don’t Emote

Men Do Not Emote.  Well, SOME men.

Robo Man Syndrome When Men Do Not Emote.  This is a common issue that comes up.


We are live and back but we missed you

last week.    Oh my goodness our internet,  it went

down again.   But we do have a new IT company!  

Hopefully they will do better shout out to NtegraIT who did

come by  and fix everything.

hopefully that will be resolved, we have missed  you!

we’re all set to go and we realized we didn’t introduce ourselves.  I’m Dr. Laura Dabney this is

Joelle Brant we both work with executive men help them with their relationships.  We help the robo man syndrome men who do not emote. 

so we have talked about a lot of things over the last several weeks.

Wow at least a month yeah we’ve

talked about emotions and how they

sometimes men like  to protect themselves from

emotions in ways it might not be a good idea.

yeah like pathological altruism and

doing everything for everyone at the

expense of yourself not be at boundaries.

we talked about boundaries more popular

ones we talked about panic and anxiety

yes phobias oh yeah Joelle’s phobia .

I did kill an ant yesterday so maybe I’m

making progress.  Well I’ve been

talking we’ve both been talking with Dr.

Jed diamond and I am  really fond

of him.  he is a psychologist who works

outside of San Francisco and he played a big role in helping us

understand men’s emotions.   he has a very

similar clientele to us.   so we

really have a lot in common and it’s

been a joy to talk with him he actually

wrote the book male menopause back in

the 70s and since then he’s gotten

interested in what he calls irritable

man syndrome.   which is basically men who

feel the only emotion they’re allowed to

have is anger.   okay so if they’re hurt

they’re angry, if they’re sad they’re

angry, you know everything else 

come out that’s anger!  so that’s been a

really interesting.  so that’s what he

sees the most that’s what he sees a lot of. 

that’s what we’ve been writing about.

I was telling about what I see and what

we talked about which is Robo man and

it’s a little different than irritable

man but along the same lines where men

often feel that any kind of emoting is

negative or effeminate or something’s

not right with it so they really they

are trying to and they will tell if this

is a conscious thing they were trying to

be robotic I’m gonna have no emotion

shut down or or get down even just be oh

yeah we might see I just shutting it

down yeah it’ll just kind of involute

does the other word I use a lot the in

Buddhist goes like oyster into their

shell they just clam up and there’s

nobody home this will not you can’t

penetrate that which can be very

frustrating for people in their lives

yeah they’re trying to get a sense of

what’s going on and they there’s an

emotion attached to what’s going on they

won’t even they just won’t just say

platitudes or general statements they

won’t get into it exactly I know you’ve

seen this with some of your clients yeah

yeah it’s hard to pry them out of that


yes it’s very hard because they just or

they just don’t want to answer so you

still have to just kind of like you said

before I don’t know but just slowly ask

questions or just keep trying to push

them out of that comfort zone to you

know it’s a tricky balance that we deal

with in here and that’s what we’re

always trying to show you how we deal

with the problems that come to us.  

it’ finding the right balance of it.  Like a religion to them seriously, I also call it

the Superman cape.

they think they’re getting this is

giving them some power but it’s well in

a way and I’m trying to show them how

well-worn it’s just you know it’s just

fake it’s worn out it’s not working in

fact it’s hurting them a lot of time but

they develop it because whatever

happened they had some dysfunction in

their family doesn’t have to be we

always talk about that doesn’t be a

trauma or something majorly wrong the

parents were horrible I’m not saying

that but sometimes there are parents who

don’t we’re taught how to deal with

their emotions

I work greatly um one thing too that I

noticed it could be something where they

just didn’t realize to deal with the

emotions in front of the children

exactly they might have thought that no

no no we can’t no fighting whatsoever in

front of kids at all or no disagreements

and so the children grow up thinking my

parents didn’t ever discuss anything

like this even though behind closed

doors they did you know they

communicated you bring up an excellent

point this is so it bothers me all the

time and I have patients who will say I

didn’t want to cry in front of the kids

why that’s a great way for your kids see

the crying is normal and that you get

over it yes but that’s to me that’s one

of the things too is that you know it’s

not my parents have parents work I’m

like no it’s not not saying the parents

are bad but it usually does come back to

you know what you’d saw and learned

growing up that’s a huge lesson we need

to teach our children yeah is how to

deal with emotions and a lot of people

miss that so what they do is they do it

a lot of kids do in a stressful

situation like that is to determine all

most declare war on the emotions mm-hmm

so it’s not the parents who are a

problem or have a problem right because

that brings up too much anxiety so she

has a kid you’re so dependent on your

parents it’s the emotions if I didn’t

have these emotions you know life would

be great it makes sense logically it

just doesn’t really work in real life

because if you don’t deal with the

emotions they sit there and

cause trouble like anxiety depression

panic and certainly relationship

problems yes so they come and all the

other issue is so they have this they’re

not really taught how to do it but then

they with men in particular they get

with word praise praised right on the

football field in the classroom in the

boardroom exactly for being Robo man oh

you’re so strong

you’re strong you’re so really about it

then nothing bothers you you’re a rock

how many times we heard that I’m

everybody’s rock we heard that kids all

the time

yes not a robot so you need to deal with

that yes military people military men I

see this a lot all right so that’s the

tricky part because there are times it’s

great to be cool under pressure where

you have to be it you have to be exactly

especially when hearing a war situation

or it’s out in the battlefield or in the

boardroom it’s true yes you’re on the

football field you have to think on your


we’re so happy we are so excited for

football season Patriots fan

Giants fan but there’s a Browns fan

amongst us if my husband ends an Eagles


would mine we’re still not talking okay

and back so badly so yeah you’re right

all right we could talk football for a

while so they appraised more it it’s

very hard to hear us say so that’s that

that’s part of the balance too right

we’re saying you won’t lose that you can

keep that in fact we like that there’s

how many people have we if someone this

is what the problem with a lot of the

school shooters are they’re not able to

contain the emotion right they’re acting

out on us these people are doing the

opposite they’re keeping them in keeping

it in and not acting at all yeah okay so

that’s fine we want you

do that but we just need to add this

piece when you’re home when you’re not

in the battlefield when you’re with your

spouse or your significant other you you

have to have some where your thumb pack

that back yeah that’s a good way to put

it yeah at some point you have to unpack

the bag doesn’t have to be in front of

everybody at work probably shouldn’t be

it in front of everybody at work but

that’s another tricky part because we’re

saying you know you have to have some

this emotions has to be part of your

relationship or you have to emote to get

over it and they start to panic I

I am oute I’ll lose my edge but that’s

never seen it happen in 20 years or

branches has gained so much more than

you think

the that’s well that’s Freud’s

contribution emotionally healthy person

was able to work in play right and

that’s what we’re talking about be able

to move from the robe oh man it work and

when you need to and then moving into

marriage man very emotionally healthy no

it’s the idea yes not to be stuck in if

we don’t she stuck in the emoting that’s

not healthy we don’t want you stuck in

the robe oh man cuz that’s not healthy

either balance right so I’m talking dr.

diamond about that so maybe we’ll get a

article out of that or something

exciting oh you’re leaving me I am

coming to Richmond today I’ll be with

Tyler tomorrow maybe we’ll join you from

Richmond tomorrow sometimes we can do

that sometimes we’re too busy I think

you’re busy tomorrow actually but that’s

a busy week with Monday being off yeah

they were they were yes we went to the

beach with my family my parents sisters

our spouses and all the kids all ten

grandkids yes and Ava loved the beach

she’s there right now at Lola Lola she’s

the only one oh she’s so spoiled see

they’re all three days

there and I’m going back today knocking

what’s that over mmm Saturday

a week oh my god we know okay ah the

good one – I was at a pool though I saw

that yes that’s right was on my

Instagram did dr. fanny have a good time

to relax good we all need you

that’s important too well right see

you’ve had a play knows how to plan he

works hard work hard and play hard good

he needs to be able to play with that

with the brows sorry they you know I’m

not gonna like it

  1. Dabney uh they’re gonna guilty

better than they did last year but Jonah

this time maybe we start another one

again we always start this way I think

they’re gonna win at least one game I

will give them at least one game I’m

thinking 500 but I say one I know you

think zero but I have just been through

this how many years have you been

married 27 years okay dating maybe now

no 30 years this crash and burn sadness

comes in in the fall okay until he is

able to move on to the Patriots side the

winning side we’ll see

anyway I hope see you Thursday not

tomorrow early on the internet situation

hi thanks for joining us