Cheating Dreams and What They Mean

  Cheating Dreams, What do they mean?   Let’s discuss Dreams where you’re actually cheating on your significant other. Just like the attraction dreams, it’s not that you want to cheat, but there are a few reasons why you could be dreaming about this. We have to look beyond the superficial such as, “If I cheated in my dream that means I must want to do that, I’m a terrible person.” We have to look at the symbolism behind the dream. What I mean is that cheating can symbolize, an escape. When I say that it’s not really about cheating, it could be about your significant other, for example, let’s say your S.O, for the last couple of months has been irritable or just messy, and it’s annoying you. But instead of talking to him or her about the annoying behavior, you make excuses and clean up his mess. Then you go to bed, and you have a dream that you’re cheating on him. In your subconscious, a lot of times that could be the fact that you are trying to punish him by cheating on him in your dreams. Since you feel as though you can’t speak about the negative behaviors that he’s doing, instead you dream about it and hope that by dreaming this and being mad at him or getting back at him in your dreams that you’ll fix the problem. Negative Behavior Another way to look at it is sometimes it’s not your S.O. that has negative behavior; it could be yourself. So if you have been extra irritable or sloppier than usual, there is a possibility that the way to think about it is you have to punish yourself somehow. You may have a cheating dream and if that’s the case you are putting the negative behavior on to your S.O. So you’re having a cheating dream, where you’re cheating on him, which is punishing him. But the dream leaves you having thoughts such as, “I’m such a bad person.” In a roundabout way, you’ve punished yourself. Dreams are Symbolic We need to remember a cheating dream is symbolic. If you have a cheating dream, what you can do is sit with that dream. Think about what’s been going on in your relationship. Are there any negative things going on, that you’re scared to talk about or to bring up? Just thinking about those negative …

Life After Divorce: Are you ready to date?

Life After Divorce-5 Signs You’re Probably Not Ready to Date By Dr. Laura Dabney, the Intimacy MD I’ve spent nearly 20 years helping men find their way into happy, long-term relationships. And after all these years, I’m amazed by the amount of misinformation that exists about what it takes to build and maintain a relationship. Most people assume we’re more prepared to pick the right mate the second or third time around, but the data tells a much different story. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.   We don’t get better at picking our partners—we actually get worse. Unless we invest the time to learn from the past, if you’re reading this, you may be thinking it’s time to re-enter the dating scene. Here are five revealing signs that you’re vulnerable to repeat the mistakes of the past and why you’re probably not ready yet:   1) You believe you need a partner who’s the exact opposite of your ex. You’re not ready to date again if your mind is still jumping to extremes: My ex was exactly wrong for me, so I’ll look for her exact opposite. When you swing from one extreme to another, however, you risk picking someone who eventually makes you as miserable as your ex, but for different reasons. Dating after divorce is not as easy as picking someone the complete opposite of your ex. Choose your partner because of who she is, not because of who she’s not. 2) You don’t like being single for very long. There’s nothing wrong with dating a lot, as long as you’re honest about your intentions. In fact, I teach a method called Precision Dating, in which I recommend men take their time before committing. Most men rush too quickly into commitment, then spend the next several years trying to make the relationship work. If you don’t like being single, recognize that you’re at serious risk of committing too early to the wrong woman. You’re far better off to play the field and date lots of women than you are to commit to the wrong relationship.   3) Dating takes your mind off your troubles. Life after divorce can be tricky. Life happens within and without our relationships, and often because of them. Losing yourself in a relationship can feel like a relief, but it’s nothing more than a …

What Do Sex Dreams Mean?

 Most common intimacy dreams, what do they mean? What do sex dreams mean? A lot of people come in scared to death to admit to them or to talk about them. It’s a shame because they’re so rich. There’s so much information in those dreams that help us better understand you or help you understand you. Dreams are not literal Thinking and doing are oceans apart. There’s a huge difference between thinking something and doing something. If you’re afraid of dreams it’s because you understand the basics. Which we talked about here. The dream is you thinking, usually a wish. The dream is usually a fulfillment, that is true. But the idea is not to take that wish literally. Just thinking about something doesn’t literally mean you’re going to go out and do it or even literally mean that’s what you want. To give an example to make that clear, one of the most common intimacy dreams are people coming in and saying they had a sex dream,  about someone who they real-life aren’t attracted to at all. They don’t want to admit the dream, because they think it means, they want to have sex with that person, they don’t love the person they’re with, or they want to cheat secretly. That’s where I have to stop them and say, “It doesn’t really mean that.” Pay attention to your unconscious. We need to be creative and let our imagination unwind. Pay attention to the unconscious, your imagination, your fantasies, your daydreaming- all of that is telling you what’s going on inside, It’s not taken so literally. Oftentimes, what happens when we start getting into it with a little more detail, we figure out what is it about that person that is attractive to you? It may not be that you are sexually attracted to them but it may be something about their quality, a personality trait,  something they do that you are really super attracted to. For example, what do sex dreams mean when you dream about someone from work? It may be someone who is very comfortable with expressing aggression, and you are not comfortable with expressing aggression, which for men can be very difficult. So the idea of intermingling with somebody who has that personality trait is a secret way of getting that component to himself, an easy quick way. So there’s this wish that he could …

Straightforward Relationship Advice for Men: Getting the Love You Want

Getting the Love You Want Without Being Inconsiderate With any luck and no small amount of perseverance, we’ve all achieved important things in life: completed our educational goals, built successful careers, and maybe even raised children. Every one of us can claim at least one major success in life. When we want something badly enough, we’ll work until we get it. And yet, why does getting the love you want, feel so incredibly difficult? I get some version of this question almost every week. My response: Yes! Getting the love you want is tough. But the skills you need for intimacy aren’t much different than the skills you’ve already developed for life. You need to learn why and how to apply them. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love; requires aggression. Sounds contradictory, I know. We think of our ideal love as gentle and forgiving, while aggression is best saved for the board room and rush hour traffic. But those are just two examples of aggression. What I teach in both love and life is the concept of constructive aggression, the ability to assert one’s self for self-preservation. In other words, it’s a fancy way of describing the act of sticking up for yourself. In a relationship, you may notice that a feeling is nearing a tipping point. Something about your partner, something they do or don’t do. Your partner doesn’t pay attention when you want it, doesn’t offer help when you need it, or they talk when you’d prefer they listen —is wearing you down. Maybe it’s on your mind all the time or causing symptoms such as excessive alcohol use or destructive fantasies. This is the perfect time to call on your constructive aggression to resolve the feeling. Believe it or not, success in any aspect of your life, including love, requires aggression. Here’s how. You have to either present your need to your partner or deal with your anger. For example, you could say, “I need you to please talk to your mom less during our evenings together,” or “I’m upset that you interrupted me when I was talking.” I admit that this can be tough. We tend to fear that using our constructive aggression will come off as mean or selfish. The problem though is that focusing on other people’s feelings more than our own is a recipe for disaster. …

How to Deal with the Man Who Has Irritable Male Syndrome

Does your S.O have Irritable Male Syndrome? We learned as little girls that our intimate relationships should be filled with mutual love, fulfillment, and joy. To this end, many of us learned to excel at nurturing, convinced we would reap the rewards in our future two-some’s. Nowhere did we learn the script on how to behave should our counterparts not be on the same page.  If you find that you’re giving more than you’re getting in terms of emotional intimacy and connection, then you may be in a relationship with a man who has Irritable Male Syndrome and at a loss on how to proceed.   Of course, nobody exhibits negative traits all the time. However, if you feel you are walking on eggshells, poking the bear or sidestepping verbal backlashes at least half the time you’re with your significant other, then your significant other may have Irritable Male Syndrome. It can be excruciatingly painful to accommodate another person’s negative moods consistently.  And trying to cope with these irritable moods often leads to escalated pain in terms of exhausting arguments, lonely nights apart or fear of physical attacks. The truth that the love of your life has a dark side controlling your every move can be hard to face.   Sometimes your significant other may simply be going through a difficult time at work or with a family member, and the irritability will pass in time. However, it could be a sign that they have a more persistent irritability problem, which has become known as Irritable Male Syndrome. Either way, you’ve probably already realized you can’t change your significant other’s, (or anyone’s!) personality.  The good news is there are different ways you can learn to cope with Irritable Male Syndrome effectively.    1- Get Used to being on a Separate Page.   If you’ve been overly-invested in cheering up your irritable man- stop!  It is not your job to change anyone. Your false perkiness is probably more of an annoyance than help because you are essentially conveying the message: you need to change.  No adult likes to feel they have to change to please someone. So learn to live with being on separate pages. You’re independent people, after all. So, most of the time, your moods aren’t going to match. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with having a different mood than your S.O. If you’re in a good mood and he’s …