Tips on How to Make a Marriage Last

Q&A with Dr. Dabney on how to make a marriage last   Dr. Dabney treats marriages but not always the couple. She sometimes treats one person in the marriage, which fixes the marriage. That’s one hint if you need help, you’ve got to get it. Dr. Dabney has been married for 27 years and is offering tips on how to make a marriage last.   Joelle: How do you make a marriage last 27 years or even one year? Dr. Dabney: There is no magic bullet to get you through all of the problems you will face. If you need help, go and get it. Daryl and I got help when we needed it. We had parenting disagreements, and it wasn’t easy. It’s never easy to ask for help, but the relief and the amount of trouble you overcome is so worth it. It’s almost silly not to get help because we made so much progress so fast. And I do not think we would be as happy as we are now in our marriage if we didn’t get that help.   Joelle: Do you have any premarital advice? Dr. Dabney: If the couple starts by having the understanding that they’re going to get help when they need it, then it becomes more automatic. Instead of saying “oh my god, we need help, something’s wrong with us,” it just becomes more second nature.   Get the Help You Need People think our lives are perfect, but we’re not perfect. Just because we’re focusing on other peoples problems, does not mean our lives are perfect. In fact, a lot of what we teach is because we’ve been in the trenches, and we’ve come out of it. That gives us another perspective on how to work through these things, besides book knowledge and training.  We’re not here to judge you. We’ve been there, or we have relatives or friends who have. People think that therapy will take forever to see results, but the sooner you come in and get the work done, the sooner you can feel better and reap the rewards. Some people come in for one session to make a plan, or if we are not the right fit, we will refer you to someone who we think is a better fit. Ways we can help you: Dozens of free articles  15-minute consultation to provide direction (757) 340-8800 An online …

Avoid the Holiday Meltdown

  Want to know how to Avoid the holiday meltdown this year? We’re talking about the holiday meltdown to hopefully set in new habits for the next holiday. People struggle with the holidays because they’re so focused on pleasing others. There’s this fantasy that you’re going to hurt somebody, or someone is going to be angry or upset because you didn’t give them what they wanted. Children need to learn that they’re not going to get everything they want for the rest of their lives, and adults should certainly be able to handle this. Let go of that fantasy, and see what really happens. How to Handle the Holiday Meltdown Start talking about the problem or the holiday meltdown in advance. Ask yourself, how the holiday went last year and what you can do now, to avoid the holiday going bad. People get stuck in thinking they have to do a tradition or they’re going to feel bad later. You can not fix a future problem later. The thought process, ” If I don’t see them now, then I am going to feel bad or guilty later.” You are going to feel guilty and sad later because that is a part of life. What Causes the Holiday Meltdown? There are feelings that people have labeled as bad, and feelings that people have labeled as good. There is no such thing. Anger, sadness, neediness are all normal. If you already have issues with these feelings, during the holidays they will get worse. If you think you can’t feel sad any other day of the week, you’re definitely going to think you shouldn’t feel sad during the holidays. That is nonsense, feelings don’t take a hiatus during the holidays. You have to allow yourself the time to process that emotion, whatever the enemy emotion is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying, I am going to go take a walk, or a nap, to get that feeling processed. If you can do this in advance, even better! Be Prepared Maybe you get sad about the loss of a parent every holiday, or a child who can’t come home. Go ahead and say this in advance to your family members. Such as, “It turns out I get sad during the holidays, I am going to go ahead and take a break on Christmas Eve to have some time for myself.” Get this all …

How to Be Selfish

  It’s imperative to know how to be selfish, to have better relationships. It may sound crazy to say you need to learn how to be selfish in order to help your relationship, but it’s absolutely true. I’ve helped thousands of successful men create the relationship of their dreams, and it all starts the same way. Are you helping everyone, but yourself? These men come to me, having helped everybody in their lives. Including their communities, their co-workers, their families, and their partners, but they don’t know the first thing about themselves. Knowing Yourself If you can’t understand how you feel, what you want,  what your dreams are then you’re never going to make that a reality. If you don’t know your hopes, and your thoughts, you’re never going to be able to express them well and then create them. It’s not only okay to be selfish to take the time to understand you, but it’s also a necessary first step to get the relationship that you’ve always wanted. It’s not mean to be selfish, and it’s essential to take the time to learn about yourself and all these particular areas. That way, you can then reach out and create fabulous relationships. Remember, it’s imperative to be selfish to have better relationships. Find more articles about being SELFish and relationships at drldabney.com and lauradabney.com

What if YOU are the Toxic Person in your Relationships

    What if you are the toxic person in your relationships? Some people who come to me with the chief complaint that a lot of their relationships are unfulfilled, unhappy and/or stressful.. have enough insight to say, “I’m the common denominator.”  It’s always a very moving point because to help yourself, that insight is invaluable and it’s also rare. If you are able to see that something’s not right even if you don’t know what it is, you’re halfway there. How can I tell? How do I tell if someone may have trouble relating to people? Everybody has relationships that don’t go well and this is all sort of a gray or fine line area. But if the majority of your relationships are not fulfilling, or end up with a lot of acting out or abandonment, then it’s certainly worth checking out. Red flags There are red flags that let me know that the ability to handle relationships are off and they may be the toxic person in the relationship. What are those red flags? Do you have arguments with anybody more than once a month? It’s not the norm for people to have arguments erupting a lot. That may be a sign. Similarly, if you never have arguments, especially with your partner.  So arguing a lot or not arguing at all. When there’s a problem in your relationship and you have no idea what to do, ever. That’s a sign as well. Parents who have children who never rebelled. That sounds odd, but it’s not right. That means that you aren’t able to handle give-and-take and some friction. If I hear a parent say their 22-year-old child never gave them a moment’s trouble. That’s a sign that you may have difficulty with relationships. This is a sensitive topic. But the same thing with kids, if you have let a child go, for example, you let your ex take full custody and it doesn’t bother you all that much, that’s a bad sign. I’m not talking about the people who have certain circumstances and had to let a child go and it’s heartache in you. That’s different than the person who doesn’t have that heartache. These are people who say things like, “well I had the child too young and I’m going to live my life now. The people who rather party than getting part custody or full custody …

More Quick Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown this Year

Quick Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown this Year. Every year you go through it, and we want to help you avoid the meltdown. In general, we’ve been talking about how to straighten out that imbalance, which leads to that blow-up or meltdown, and we want to emphasize for the summation is that intimacy involves giving and taking. Think about it; you’re giving something to somebody else, and taking something in return is the ultimate intimacy. If you’ve got it in your head that you have to give, give, give, and that’s what is going to make people happy, and they’re automatically going to give back to you, you’re going to be disappointed, that meltdown is going to come. Go ahead, take and give and you’ll find that you’ll have a much more intimate holiday season this year. Hope these Tips to Avoid the Holiday Meltdown from Dr. Laura Dabney help! Check out more at www.drldabney.com and www.lauradabney.com.