Life After Divorce: Are you ready to date? for Men

  Life After Divorce for Men- A Dating After Divorce Success Story After Two Divorces, Elliot Discovers Why He’s the One Who’s Hard to be With No one goes into a marriage, hoping for divorce. We marry for love, not for the betrayal, arguing, guilt, and worry that comes with a break-up. Life after divorce for men or anyone can be difficult. Not to mention the cost of lawyers, filings, spousal, and child support. It’s so awful, why would anyone risk marriage again? Even worse, what happens when you go through it all over again? Unfortunately, the risk of divorce actually rises with each marriage. While 50% of all first marriages end in divorce, nearly 80% of third marriages end up there. In other words, we don’t get better at relationships, we actually get worse, unless we take serious steps to learn from the past. Life after divorce for men can be tricky, but taking steps to participate in programs such as the Dating After Divorce coaching service can help you navigate your new life. This is one of the reasons we’ve had so much success with our Dating After Divorce coaching services. Nobody wants to go through the pain of divorce, but neither do we have a clear idea of what we need to do differently next time. Case Study: Elliot Like so many of my clients, “Elliot” had big ideas and an ability to bring them to life. He was a successful restaurateur and lived a good life. The trouble was, he was also divorced twice and was devastated over a recent break-up. By the time we met, he was nearly convinced that he always picked the wrong women. The interesting thing about Elliot, however, was that he didn’t make the mistakes I see so many men make in their relationships. He didn’t get involved with women who showed red flags like substance or abuse legal and financial trouble, and he did his best to pay attention to the relationship. Elliot wasn’t committing to troubled women, and he wasn’t running away from conflict. He was a Red Flag to Others Instead, Elliot was the person women found it hard to be with. He, himself, was a red flag to others. Elliot participated in Coaching and changed all that. With guidance, Elliot learned how to successfully date after divorce by learning to spot the things he was doing to …

How to Overcome Porn Addiction

 How to overcome porn addiction. Pornography addiction brings up such a sense of overwhelming helplessness whether you have the addiction or you know somebody who has this addiction or you are in a relationship with someone who has this addiction. It can bring up those feelings in all parties, and it tends to lead to people doing the wrong thing. They get a little panicky and start ordering and making rules and kicking people out. That is understandable, but it can sometimes make things worse. Let’s talk from a doctor’s perspective about what typically causes porn addiction so we can understand it, and how to overcome porn addiction. If we can understand it, then we can fix it. That’s medicine in a nutshell right there.  So what it causes porn addiction? In my experience, pornography addiction covers up something else. People get very busy and very involved in this inanimate stuff, as a way to cover up something within ourselves. Those three things that people cover up are three emotions, actually. Anger, neediness, and sadness. These three emotions, more than any other emotions, cause terrible conflict in people. My 20 years of experience everybody who’s come in with pornography addiction has conflicts with one or more of those emotions. What is that about? What do I mean by conflict?  Anger Anger, for instance, people who feel anger especially toward someone they love or care about, it can bring up tremendous guilt as if they shouldn’t have this anger; as if it’s not normal to have this anger. Or they think if they express this anger, it’s going to lead to hurting that person. So they get very busy burying the anger emotion. They won’t admit it to themselves; or dare say it, ever. They get very involved in burying it. So pornography is a way instead of saying to your significant other, “Hey I’m really annoyed or angry that you’ve let our sex life slide.” or “Hey, I’m really upset that you aren’t interested in sex anymore,” or, “I’m upset we don’t have a closer relationship.” Instead, they just pretend that angers not even there, and they’re going to use pornography instead. Oh, by the way, a lot of the times people who are bearing anger accidentally let their spouse find out about the pornography use, so then the spouse ends up getting punished, right? The act of anger …

Why do People Watch Porn? From a Doctor’s Perspective.

 Top 3 porn-related reasons I see people in my office A Doctor’s perspective on why do people watch porn or why they’re porn addicted. Whether you’re the one using it or someone you know does. This can be a tough topic in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be. Reason number one- Conflict with intimacy. Why do people watch porn? Some people have trouble with intimacy. I don’t mean they just make mistakes, but they actually have a conflict with it. They’re conflicted about the closeness. They want the closeness, they’re in a relationship, they love their significant other, but they have connected intimacy with something bad. Typically, the ‘something bad’ is: being taken over, being controlled, losing their individuality.  They want the closeness, but then they feel as though they’ll lose themselves. Now, a lot of people resolve this with pornography because it’s a way to put a wedge between them and their significant other. It’s a way for them to get some relief from that sensation of being too close. Somehow, it’s tough for people to maintain intimacy for that reason, and it comes out in that fashion. Reason number 2- Conflict with aggression. There are a lot of people who have a conflict with aggression and a conflict with anger. They know it’s an emotion, they know it’s a normal emotion, but they have so much guilt about it, that they tend to bury it. They tend to think anger is wrong, bad, mean; something they need to avoid at all costs. This is what I call an enemy emotion, where they shove it away. Somehow they don’t realize anger is normal and expressing that anger is required, or it’s going to blow or implode. They end up hurting themselves with it, by not dealing with the anger, or expressing it because they feel so guilty and they want to bury. The anger stays under the surface. So, they use pornography as sort of a weapon. “I’m not going to connect with you. I’m going to connect with my magazine,” or where ever pornography is being viewed. And then, of course, it ends up hurting the significant other, because they end up finding out about the pornography. The S.O. has no idea why their partner is using porn because the partner has not expressed the anger. And they may not even be consciously aware of …

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3 Porn Myths You’ll be Glad Aren’t True

3 Porn Myths that Aren’t True- From A Doctors Perspective (Pssst: The Doctor Says it Can Actually be Good For You) If only I had a dollar for every time I got to tell someone that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing—or wanted to do—in the bedroom. Most common worry: porn. I’ve chosen to bust 5 of the most common myths about porn and why it’s anything but bad for you. I’ll bust three porn myths now, and two later; stay tuned! Porn Myth #1: Porn is bad for you. Not so fast. Historically, anti-porn arguments have primarily been moral in nature and have little basis in medical science. While porn can lead to addiction (like hundreds of other behaviors), it more often supports and reinforces acceptable sexual behavior. In a healthy, adult relationship, porn can be wonderfully useful. Not only do many couples find it fun, but they often use it to spice up or reignite their sex lives. Many watch it together for new ideas, and some occasionally watch it to help get themselves in the mood when necessary. Like many other things in life, the secret to porn use is moderation, and it is not damaging to a relationship unless one partner regularly chooses it instead of sex with their “real” partner. Porn Myth #2: Porn is a sign that something is “wrong” with you. Let’s be clear: porn doesn’t make you a pervert. It can, however, be a sign that you’re avoiding dealing with uncomfortable feelings or experiences. If you find yourself turning to porn instead of your real partner, or if you find it interfering in your ability to function in daily life or fulfill your responsibilities, please seek professional help to deal with your compulsive behaviors. If you use it in moderation, however—enjoy. Porn Myth #3: Porn is the same as cheating. Many women feel betrayed when faced with the realization that a husband or boyfriend is looking at porn—some as profoundly betrayed as if they’d been cheated on. Often, their immediate reaction is, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not enough?” Some relationships even end over porn. When my patients face this issue, I help them understand that porn and cheating are not the same things. What is the same, however, is the feeling of betrayal. It’s legitimate for a woman to feel betrayed by a man who secretly goes …

Common Dreams and the Meaning Behind Them

     Common Dreams About Intimacy Let’s discuss the common dreams about intimacy that Dr. Laura Dabney hears a lot about. This one is pretty interesting when it comes to dreams about being intimate in inappropriate places. I want to remind you just because you have a dream does not mean you should take it literally. It does not mean that you’re automatically going to change your behavior and start acting inappropriately or anything like that. The dream is trying to tell you something. Common dreams of wanting to do something intimate in an inappropriate place. This may mean you’re doing something outside your comfort zone or you’re breaking a rule you would never consciously consider doing. This could mean you’ve been holding yourself back somewhere or you’re conflicted about something. For example, do you feel like the guidelines at work are making you feel stifled? Do you have a chance to cross another line somewhere but aren’t even considering it? That would include taking a risk somewhere, so instead of joining the family business, you want to pursue an art career. Stepping out of your comfort zone Dreams about stepping out of your comfort zone can often mean that you lost touch with a part of yourself where you’re allowing yourself to be stifled by someone or something else. A part of you wants to rebel against that, that’s the side that your dream is trying to tell you to consider. Another interpretation of this dream is that you already stepped out of your comfort zone and something that you’ve done is now making you feel anxious. It could be that you took a risk. Or you told a specific someone how you felt. Maybe you’re anxious because you don’t know what’s going to happen from telling this person something. So now, this dream may be telling you that you are anxious about what could happen. It could be something you said, or you think someone’s going to judge you for being outlandish or inappropriate and remove themselves from you. There’s so many different layers and levels of things when it comes to dreams. Dreams about stepping outside your comfort zone can mean you’re not sure you can you live with the rebellious part of you. You fear it may make you lose control or lose someone you care about. If you are having that type of dream …