Anxiety and Phobias the Down and Dirty

Phobias, anxiety, disorders, and the unconscious. We’re going to continue our talk on panic and anxiety good with that, so that’s an excellent point to point out if you have anxiety about something, then it’s not a mental disorder. If you know what the reason is, then it’s a normal reaction — a typical response that you’re anxious about, like picking up the little munchkins on time. People come in with anxiety, and they don’t know why, and that’s when it becomes interesting. Or they think they know why and it might not be the real why. That’s when we dig in and do our work because that’s what’s most exciting. It’s like being a detective because you have to find out what it is. It’s unconscious, and why is it unconscious because it hurts. There’s some pain there’s something below the surface. This is painful; you know your brain is smart. Most people’s minds are sparse; it wants to cover up pain; it doesn’t want to feel pain. You may want to know why, but they don’t want to know why. Our job is to get glimpses of that as it comes to the surface and pulls it out, helps them understand in a safe place where they know that, yes, it’s going to hurt, but it never hurts as much as they imagined. It’s like a memory from when you were a child, and you couldn’t deal with pain and stressful situations like you do now. It’s like ripping off a band-aid type of pain It’s usually something as simple as a negative feeling towards somebody that you love. I’ve talked to patients about them having a fantasy about hurting somebody or maiming somebody they feel so guilty about it, but they’ve just been trying to bury it all this time. The fantasies are normal, but there’s a lot of people who do not believe that, and some do not think it’s reasonable to have fantasies about any feeling or doing anything. For this, I’ll use my Stephen King approach. Stephen King would be in jail if we thought weird fantasies were against the law. That’s right; there’s a big difference between thinking and acting. Symbolism is very abstract. I’ll give you an example; sometimes, little crawly things mean invasive. So has somebody been invasive? In a session, I would say okay thanks we’re on the right track because I know you’re eliciting a response from me right so it could be somebody who is a mean or forcing you that could …

How to Enforce Boundaries Without Being the Bad Guy

Hello again! Dr. Laura Dabney and Joelle Brant, life coach we are here helping men, executive men with relationship problems.   We are helping everybody get over the fear of seeing or getting help from somebody in mental health if you need it yes for your emotions and or your relationships. But really almost everybody with emotional problem ends up having a relationship problem.  You can  say for this that it definitely might not be a huge relationship problem but it does affect the relationship.   yeah I think that’s most of the time true what Joelle and I were kind of laughing when we started because we continue to get questions and feedback on our boundaries episodes.  we’ve had two write ins about boundary talks before and they seem to be a big hit so somehow this is an issue.    actually you know what else has been a big issue we’ve been talking a lot with reporters lately that’s been a big change in our practice I don’t know if you noticed on Instagram and Facebook but there have been more articles we’ve been quoted in and they are that topic that keeps coming up over and over again a sociopath.   somehow that’s the big topic I hear it’s there’s some YouTube war going on about somebody claiming someone’s a sociopath and some people thinking he’s not. and that’s maybe part of it but sociopath is a good topic.  so let us know if you wanna hear about that that one put that one on the back burner  because we talked a lot about that.      well maybe a little too much experiences with sociopaths and that’s not fun.  and then we have boundaries for today and we thought we would add a little twist and talk about how to set boundaries.    How to  enforce them without being the bad guy.  we get that question in session a lot so we’ve talked in our other episodes here about what a boundary is and why you need them so check that out I think is that our paprika one.  that’s too funny.   that is our paprika example.  Because you were in the paprika example, make  sure to get me paprika and Joelle’s paprika shirt haha.   so boundaries are important.    once you understand a boundary  and why you need them how do you set that?  yeah so people are very concerned about being the bad guy whenever we talk about discussing negative feelings. or putting up a boundary which involves a negative feeling so I think that’s why a little connection.   like like somehow if you let on you have a …

Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How Do These Words Go Together?

Phobias, Anger, Guilt, Punishment, How do these words go together? Hello! Dr. Dabney is back in Virginia Beach with me! This is my coach Joelle Brant,  I am Dr. Dabney psychotherapist and coach, I do it all! Okay so did you miss me? I did! Tyler is honing in on your spotlight.  I am OKAY with that!!   Well,  we talked about red flags.   In general we’re talking about busting myths to help people get in the door.. Or to get people to pick up the phone to call us  with any emotional problems you have. You can call us with any relationship problem too. We can help you with,  so we’re hoping that if we bring it all down to earth for you and make it more palatable that you’ll be able to make that call. Our new location in Richmond has two new patients coming which is so awesome.  We’re excited to see patients rolling in there and connecting with new doctors and it’s so exciting! it’s like having a baby! My Richmond office,  is my baby.   Virginia Beach is another baby! What do you think about the red flag talk?  Good talk? It was a good talk, I think when it comes to red flags it’s helpful for people to hear those things.   Because sometimes they just don’t even realize that some actions are red flags. It is like you get swept up into a red flag relationship.   I think people  just get so swept up into helping and fixing. So they just,  you know keep afloat that they don’t realize they’re in a red flag relationship. Hopefully some people stopped and gave that a second thought or shared it with someone that they think are involved in or red flag relationship. You can share this information with someone you know by looking supportive.   I think people are afraid to share advice with others. You do not need to say “so I think you need to see a shrink because you have a problem.” There are nice ways to do that I mean we talked about that.   Softer ways to tell friends and family that they may need some help with something.  We can get into that one day. What did we say  we were going to talk about today? We can talk about phobias. Oh phobias that’s right! we’ve had it come up all day …

Men, Emotions, and Mental Health Myths

  Men and emotions and mental health myths. We’re live again!! Hi happy Tuesday! Tuesday feels like a Monday for me, double Monday. Double Monday week that’s not good. Why are we doing this? We are this doing this to help you understand what we do! Did we explain why were wanted to do this? We talked about a couple things. your hair, your kids, but really what we’re talking about is what it’s like to be  someone in mental health. Also about men and their masculinity. So that’s really what that’s what we’re talking about right because it’s so much. I think it’s really misunderstood, what it’s like to have a mental health problem. It is not always a disorder but it may be health or emotional problem and what getting help is like. There is a huge amount of misconception about that so we’re just trying to put some of that to rest. We want to break the myths and the stigma and that people think it’s really scary or they’re so afraid to come in.  As we mentioned in one of our videos we want to be a little bit more approachable. Let us make it a little bit easier, less fearful to come in and learn. Learn about you !!! I mean, not knowing about yourself is like not knowing the third floor of your house. By not understanding your emotions and where they come from you miss out on so much information about yourself. Here is a quick recap of last week. we touched about you know the three negative emotions that people mostly don’t deal with or know how to deal with anger, neediness, and sadness. Say it with us anger, neediness, sadness, are not bad things!! they’re not bad feelings! We always mention these emotions that people are trying to hide. those are the people who think they that those are a problem they shouldn’t have, that’s the source of most emotional problems right there. yeah so we see that a lot we probably talked about that a lot and then I added that one post about how we see.   Even  though we see that in both men and women.  there are some differences we see in men and women in that regard and I wrote a little post about that that got a little attention I would say how would I sum …

Ah-Ha Moments, Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy

Emotional Breakthroughs in Therapy. We’re live again! I know, again! So I think, what are we going to talk about today? Well we wanted to talk about Ah-Ha moments okay so those times in therapy where people go “oh my god I never thought about it that way.” Or something, because those are really the most rewarding. Yes, true. Nothing is better than when you get someone to think about something in a new way. These are emotional breakthroughs. So we talk about the terrible triad, we always talk about that. Like my terrible three kids? No no not your kids haha! Oh the triad, okay gotcha! Your kids are adorable when they are here. Okay the triad being the three emotions, the negative emotions that everybody hides from. So, it’s anger, neediness, and sadness. So this is at the heart of most emotional problems and so that’s the anger people that they feel is “bad or wrong.”  They try to bury it. Neediness they think it is weak, and sadness they do not understand that it is normal. Sadness IS normal! This, for us it’s like saying having eyes as normal. It’s very hard to convince people who think it’s abnormal that these three emotions, anger, neediness, and sadness are normal. So what they’re doing is trying to bury or hide those emotions. And it’s like a blister where it’s the cover-up that causes all the problems, you know so it’s the hiding and pretending they don’t have it which comes in lots of forms. They call that defending, they defend against it they turn it into its opposite. So an example with neediness, there are people that you know, they’re always taking care of other people’s needs.  They want to make sure everyone else is okay.  When it’s really, that they need something. I think that’s one of the most common ones that I hear. Yeah then we’ll say something along lines of “looks like you’re taking care of everybody else because you want to deny that you have any needs yourself they go “I don’t need any I don’t need anything” or sometimes they just think that neediness is a sign of weakness and it’s just normal. right so we spend a lot of time trying to get people comfortable and to really believe. it’s funny that they think it can be normal for everybody else but …