Why do People Watch Porn? From a Doctor’s Perspective.

 Top 3 porn-related reasons I see people in my office A Doctor’s perspective on why do people watch porn or why they’re porn addicted. Whether you’re the one using it or someone you know does. This can be a tough topic in a relationship, but it doesn’t need to be. Reason number one- Conflict with intimacy. Why do people watch porn? Some people have trouble with intimacy. I don’t mean they just make mistakes, but they actually have a conflict with it. They’re conflicted about the closeness. They want the closeness, they’re in a relationship, they love their significant other, but they have connected intimacy with something bad. Typically, the ‘something bad’ is: being taken over, being controlled, losing their individuality.  They want the closeness, but then they feel as though they’ll lose themselves. Now, a lot of people resolve this with pornography because it’s a way to put a wedge between them and their significant other. It’s a way for them to get some relief from that sensation of being too close. Somehow, it’s tough for people to maintain intimacy for that reason, and it comes out in that fashion. Reason number 2- Conflict with aggression. There are a lot of people who have a conflict with aggression and a conflict with anger. They know it’s an emotion, they know it’s a normal emotion, but they have so much guilt about it, that they tend to bury it. They tend to think anger is wrong, bad, mean; something they need to avoid at all costs. This is what I call an enemy emotion, where they shove it away. Somehow they don’t realize anger is normal and expressing that anger is required, or it’s going to blow or implode. They end up hurting themselves with it, by not dealing with the anger, or expressing it because they feel so guilty and they want to bury. The anger stays under the surface. So, they use pornography as sort of a weapon. “I’m not going to connect with you. I’m going to connect with my magazine,” or where ever pornography is being viewed. And then, of course, it ends up hurting the significant other, because they end up finding out about the pornography. The S.O. has no idea why their partner is using porn because the partner has not expressed the anger. And they may not even be consciously aware of …

5 Porn myths busted

3 Porn Myths You’ll be Glad Aren’t True

3 Porn Myths that Aren’t True- From A Doctors Perspective (Pssst: The Doctor Says it Can Actually be Good For You) If only I had a dollar for every time I got to tell someone that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing—or wanted to do—in the bedroom. Most common worry: porn. I’ve chosen to bust 5 of the most common myths about porn and why it’s anything but bad for you. I’ll bust three porn myths now, and two later; stay tuned! Porn Myth #1: Porn is bad for you. Not so fast. Historically, anti-porn arguments have primarily been moral in nature and have little basis in medical science. While porn can lead to addiction (like hundreds of other behaviors), it more often supports and reinforces acceptable sexual behavior. In a healthy, adult relationship, porn can be wonderfully useful. Not only do many couples find it fun, but they often use it to spice up or reignite their sex lives. Many watch it together for new ideas, and some occasionally watch it to help get themselves in the mood when necessary. Like many other things in life, the secret to porn use is moderation, and it is not damaging to a relationship unless one partner regularly chooses it instead of sex with their “real” partner. Porn Myth #2: Porn is a sign that something is “wrong” with you. Let’s be clear: porn doesn’t make you a pervert. It can, however, be a sign that you’re avoiding dealing with uncomfortable feelings or experiences. If you find yourself turning to porn instead of your real partner, or if you find it interfering in your ability to function in daily life or fulfill your responsibilities, please seek professional help to deal with your compulsive behaviors. If you use it in moderation, however—enjoy. Porn Myth #3: Porn is the same as cheating. Many women feel betrayed when faced with the realization that a husband or boyfriend is looking at porn—some as profoundly betrayed as if they’d been cheated on. Often, their immediate reaction is, “What’s wrong with me? Am I not enough?” Some relationships even end over porn. When my patients face this issue, I help them understand that porn and cheating are not the same things. What is the same, however, is the feeling of betrayal. It’s legitimate for a woman to feel betrayed by a man who secretly goes …

Common Dreams and the Meaning Behind Them

     Common Dreams About Intimacy Let’s discuss the common dreams about intimacy that Dr. Laura Dabney hears a lot about. This one is pretty interesting when it comes to dreams about being intimate in inappropriate places. I want to remind you just because you have a dream does not mean you should take it literally. It does not mean that you’re automatically going to change your behavior and start acting inappropriately or anything like that. The dream is trying to tell you something. Common dreams of wanting to do something intimate in an inappropriate place. This may mean you’re doing something outside your comfort zone or you’re breaking a rule you would never consciously consider doing. This could mean you’ve been holding yourself back somewhere or you’re conflicted about something. For example, do you feel like the guidelines at work are making you feel stifled? Do you have a chance to cross another line somewhere but aren’t even considering it? That would include taking a risk somewhere, so instead of joining the family business, you want to pursue an art career. Stepping out of your comfort zone Dreams about stepping out of your comfort zone can often mean that you lost touch with a part of yourself where you’re allowing yourself to be stifled by someone or something else. A part of you wants to rebel against that, that’s the side that your dream is trying to tell you to consider. Another interpretation of this dream is that you already stepped out of your comfort zone and something that you’ve done is now making you feel anxious. It could be that you took a risk. Or you told a specific someone how you felt. Maybe you’re anxious because you don’t know what’s going to happen from telling this person something. So now, this dream may be telling you that you are anxious about what could happen. It could be something you said, or you think someone’s going to judge you for being outlandish or inappropriate and remove themselves from you. There’s so many different layers and levels of things when it comes to dreams. Dreams about stepping outside your comfort zone can mean you’re not sure you can you live with the rebellious part of you. You fear it may make you lose control or lose someone you care about. If you are having that type of dream …

Cheating Dreams and What They Mean

  Cheating Dreams, What do they mean?   Let’s discuss Dreams where you’re actually cheating on your significant other. Just like the attraction dreams, it’s not that you want to cheat, but there are a few reasons why you could be dreaming about this. We have to look beyond the superficial such as, “If I cheated in my dream that means I must want to do that, I’m a terrible person.” We have to look at the symbolism behind the dream. What I mean is that cheating can symbolize, an escape. When I say that it’s not really about cheating, it could be about your significant other, for example, let’s say your S.O, for the last couple of months has been irritable or just messy, and it’s annoying you. But instead of talking to him or her about the annoying behavior, you make excuses and clean up his mess. Then you go to bed, and you have a dream that you’re cheating on him. In your subconscious, a lot of times that could be the fact that you are trying to punish him by cheating on him in your dreams. Since you feel as though you can’t speak about the negative behaviors that he’s doing, instead you dream about it and hope that by dreaming this and being mad at him or getting back at him in your dreams that you’ll fix the problem. Negative Behavior Another way to look at it is sometimes it’s not your S.O. that has negative behavior; it could be yourself. So if you have been extra irritable or sloppier than usual, there is a possibility that the way to think about it is you have to punish yourself somehow. You may have a cheating dream and if that’s the case you are putting the negative behavior on to your S.O. So you’re having a cheating dream, where you’re cheating on him, which is punishing him. But the dream leaves you having thoughts such as, “I’m such a bad person.” In a roundabout way, you’ve punished yourself. Dreams are Symbolic We need to remember a cheating dream is symbolic. If you have a cheating dream, what you can do is sit with that dream. Think about what’s been going on in your relationship. Are there any negative things going on, that you’re scared to talk about or to bring up? Just thinking about those negative …

Dating After Divorce

Dating After Divorce and 5 Signs You’re Probably Not Ready By Dr. Laura Dabney, the Intimacy MD I’ve spent nearly 20 years helping men find their way into happy, long-term relationships. And after all these years, I’m amazed by the amount of misinformation that exists about what it takes to build and maintain a relationship. Most people assume we’re more prepared to pick the right mate the second or third time around, but the data tells a much different story. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. We don’t get better at picking our partners—we actually get worse. Unless we invest the time to learn from the past, if you’re reading this, you may be thinking it’s time to re-enter the dating scene. Here are five revealing signs that you’re vulnerable to repeat the mistakes of the past and why you’re probably not ready yet:   1) You believe you need a partner who’s the exact opposite of your ex. You’re not ready to date again if your mind is still jumping to extremes: My ex was exactly wrong for me, so I’ll look for her exact opposite. When you swing from one extreme to another, however, you risk picking someone who eventually makes you as miserable as your ex, but for different reasons. Dating after divorce is not as easy as picking someone the complete opposite of your ex. Choose your partner because of who she is, not because of who she’s not. 2) You don’t like being single for very long. There’s nothing wrong with dating a lot, as long as you’re honest about your intentions. In fact, I teach a method called Precision Dating, in which I recommend men take their time before committing. Most men rush too quickly into commitment, then spend the next several years trying to make the relationship work. If you don’t like being single, recognize that you’re at serious risk of committing too early to the wrong woman. You’re far better off to play the field and date lots of women than you are to commit to the wrong relationship.   3) Dating takes your mind off your troubles. Life happens within and without our relationships, and often because of them. Losing yourself in a relationship can feel like a relief, but it’s nothing more than a temporary escape. Your troubles will return, and …